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mulders-too-large-shirt · 5 months ago

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s3 episode 1 thoughts

wow… how much time has progressed… and to think, a mere two months ago, i barely knew these character’s names, let alone that they will likely stick with me for eternity...

let us begin. as we always must do.

okay, so i’m reading the episode description: scully is facing a possible dismissal!!! i know she broke rules but it was for FRIENDSHIP and LOVE! does that not count for anything anymore?!

(spooky noise) (dried up alien shot) (voice of disembodied narrative) last season on the X files…

(a recap of cig man burning things)

we open back in New Mexico, to Albert describing his relationship to memory and history: “memory is radiant and immutable, while history serves only those who seek to control it” <- banger line.

anyway. we see the smoldering ruins of that train car that was once full of aliens. but not a single mulder in sight…

cig man is breaking into the kind people’s houses!! he and his cronies are conducting violence… THEY HIT ALBERT IN THE HEAD NOOO??? HE IS A HERO... cig man, you are less than a mosquito to me

scully time!!! she’s on the scene… guess she didn’t get far back to DC. “where is he?” she asks, and they look at each other with concern in their eyes. oh, they don’t know...

eric walks into the room with a terribly beaten face... NOOO ERIC, THEY SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS TO YOU.

now scully is screaming for him on the cliffs whilst the smoke still billows from the train where he was last seen… no response… it is not looking good for our friend mulder!!

she finally tries to go home, and a helicopter is shining on scully. RIGHT on her. this is not good for driving. they run her off the road with no regard for anyone's safety??? could have caused a MASSIVE pileup.

anyway, they grab her and it’s upsetting, asking where the files are and she says in the trunk. do we believe her??? it’s a copy of some of them, but not the DAT, which i would guess means the original cassette tape... oh nooo i’m scared… i mean she couldn’t deny it, but it’s also not looking good for the secrets she was trying to keep. so, without the "DAT", they just leave.

back at the FBI, they are telling her she needs to take a leave of absence. she is looking at the ground and it is once again giving student in the principal’s office. NO PAY OR BENEFITS??? you can't do that... what if she needs to go to the doctor......

i guess she is a doctor but the point stands. you NEED insurance in these parts.

she gives them her badge and gun and says she thinks mulder is dead :( NOOOOO you cannot admit defeat

skinner says “don’t think this hasn’t been difficult for everyone” and she is holding back a very very very biting remark but actually manages to hold it back, so god only knows what she wanted to say. a stronger woman than i.

until she leaves the room, that is!!! skinner comes out to talk to her and OH SHE IS MAD!!

“what about the people who are poisoning agent mulder’s water? whose protocol was that? the men who killed agent mulder, the people who killed his father- they aren’t meant to be found”

“we will find them”

“with all due respect, sir, I think you overestimate your position in the chain of command” <- OHHHH TEA. she basically said, you're a liar working for liars and perpetuating lies. meanwhile WE'RE the only real bitches at the function and one of ‘em’s dead because of YOUR pet cigarette man. SICK!!!!! truly evil.

now she has to find some work to pay the bills skinner!!

(i don't think skinner is evil, i just think he's a dick sometimes and that pisses me off more than sheer evilness. EACH time i think i have him figured out. he does something that proves me wrong)

one last visit to mulder's office before she leaves. she's going to take the real files on the cassette and they are GONE??? to whom have they gone…..

back in new york city. it's a meeting of the minds, all the big names in the world of covering up the existence of aliens. cig man is saying everything is fine, mulder is dead, and all the files are back. ALLEGEDLY!! i believe him on no accounts.

GASP scully going to her mom’s house… she walked there barefoot at night because her shoes hurt her :(

“i’ve made a terrible mistake. dad would be so ashamed of me” NOOOOOOOOOOOO DON’T SAY THAT!!!

(i cannot speak to the moral character of her father but if it were me, i would say it was doing the Right thing that counts far more than following corrupt orders from a corrupt system. and this is further proof that she is one of those people who Has to do the right thing or the guilt will consume her... )

and she DID do the right thing!!!! she just doesn't have faith!!!! i'll cry!!!

buzzards back in New Mexico… oh........

HAND SPOTTED!! white man’s hand in the rocks. is it mulder smushed??????

IT IS!! albert and co are hauling him out of a hole, and he’s looking quite dead, but he seems to have hid in a cave with the aliens. good on him for finding a convenient hole to duck into.

they’re doing a ceremony to call the Holy People!!!! i hope it works because remember, the calusari said mulder knows the devil and that seems contradictory...

hopefully they were just lying.

scully back home. sleeping in bed. answering the door, for someone knocks.

it’s FROHIKE???? i cackled. WHY does he know where she lives! and also why is he here when she is in her robe! well. i guess mourning will have you up and about at odd hours.

he drank a whole bottle of what looks like vodka...? and described mulder as “a redwood among mere sprouts” i laughed... it's so genuine. we all know a frohike, for better or for worse.

he assumes that she will be next in line for hunting The Truth, to which she replies, “i’m soon to be out of a job”. but she's a doctor, so it is gonna be okay. maybe she can just leave the last few months off her resume and get letters of recommendation from her professors. doctors, high in demand.

"and like rats, they just scatter back into the woodpile” she says, when discussing how these secretive people pull the strings behind the curtains. i took note because this is a yeehaw-sounding saying.

i guess we don't ever learn where she grew up, because it probably wasn't in one place, with her dad in the navy... but still. such a phrase is giving some sort of appalachia.

frohike brings bad news: the thinker was killed EXECUTION STYLE and found in a landfill... this is soooo fucked up. she is shocked they would do something so stupid and i was like ??? but ohh she's talking about tracing the bullets!

(i only realized this much later. i won't lie)

back in New Mexico, albert is working overtime calling the Holy People to come help, and mulder's floating out in space as he contemplates leaving this plane…

people are surrounding him. perhaps the holy people or his ancestors??

but no, it is... DEEP THROAT??? I’VE MISSED YOU!!! it was nice to see him again, even for a brief moment in the astral plane.

he’s going on, very theatrically, about the absence of time in whatever it is inhabits after life: “i come to you, old friend, with the dull clarity of the dead, not to beckon you, but to feel the fire and intensity that still live in you…. there is truth here, if that is what you seek, but there is no justice or judgement, without which, truth is a vast, dead hallow” <- he has been reading Shakespeare in the afterlife

no i actually loved that line. it goes hard. "the dull clearity of the dead". i'm eating that arrangement of words up

cutscene: aliens being gassed and locked in the railroad car. that’s…. Horrific

(this scene takes mere seconds, and isn't addressed again in any real way in the episode, but holy. it was. unsettling. what did these bastards do to them....?)

back to the commune with the deceased. it's Bill! mr. mulder! he opens his eyes at his dad’s voice. his dad says he’s very sorry for lying about the whole alien thing, and says he is the memory; “if you were to die now, the truth would die, and only the lies survive us”. so no pressure whatsoever. /s

seemingly awake now, he asks if his sister is in the realm with the rest of those who have passed. and he learns she isn't there yet, so i'm pretty sure that makes up his mind, that he'll go back. but imagine if the answer was yes, she was there... do you think he would have still found the strength to return?

back in D.C., scully has to take the visitor’s entrance to the FBI :( but the security guard knows her!!! she is friendly in this way :) she beeps suspiciously... but he lets her though. i suspect that she might be hiding something... but what?

she's waiting for skinner. and ohhh skinner didn’t call her “agent” this time...ohhh the vibes are…….. not really vibing. it is uncomfortable.

she is bringing the news article to him and suggesting cross running the weapon that killed the thinker with the weapon that killed mulder’s dad to get some answers. this seems reasonable to me! he says she has been relieved of investigative duty and basically dismisses her. but she just wants to be helpful!!!! can you blame her??? she just wants to be HELPFUL, skinner, she wants her friend back and not dead. so please DON'T say something catty right now, i SWEAR.

SKINNER. I HATE YOU SOMETIMES. “ohhh the systems would have went off” so there is no need to cross reference the weapons. they’re killing people executioner style!!!! do you really think the people at the police department wouldn’t cover such a thing up?!?!? come ON let's use our heads!!!

he parrots her earlier line about him not having as much power as he thinks... ohhh you bitch. you should both be on the same team here and that team is "please let agent mulder be ALIVE"

he’s all “oh, you just wanna be helpful because you want your job back?” and she very firmly says NO. i just want answers. and honestly, she is handling this way better than i would be. because i would be biting and clawing skinner at this moment. to imply that she just wants her JOB back when she's trying to bring him information regarding a bunch of mysterious deaths, including that of her PARTNER?!?!?

so he says to bring him the cassette tape that she DOESN’T have or otherwise sit tight and let them do their job. and there is unbridled rage in her eyes but it somehow manages to not escape beyond body language and again, applause.

pause. i’m actually so pissed on scully's behalf right now. and i just KNOW filming these scenes had to be fun.

as always in skinner's office, Bill Clinton watches over everything. his eyes are cold and uncaring. like a god who has abandoned its creation.

the MINUTE she leaves his office, cig man enters... SICK!!!! he's asking about the tape that he earlier claimed to the squad in new york that he got back… “that’s unfortunate”, he says, when he learns she doesn't have it. did he PLANT IT ON HER?? is that what the beeping was? do cassettes beep on metal detectors? i had some as a kid, i just remember feelings of plastic when holding them <-op was NOT onto something here

upon leaving, she is confused about the thingy beeping again. “you wearing a necklace or something?”, asks the security man. “no, not today”, and...... OH.... THE VISUAL INDICATOR THAT SHE HAS LOST ALL FAITH IN THE FORM OF HER CROSS NECKLACE BEING ABSENT. AUGHHHH TEARING MY SHIRT. ripping my hair out in grief. but that leaves the real question: what is in there?

she goes to the doctor, who looks at her neck. SOMETHING IS IN HER SKIN??? embedded in there. oh... it’s scarred over and they’re gonna pull it out, and i'm thinking i might gag if they show it, but thankfully they cut then. WHAT DID THEY DO TO HER IN ALIEN LAND????

back to the New Mexico cam!!! mulder progress!! three days of chanting and he is asking for water!! good news.

back to D.C. no extraction scene visible, thank god. COMPUTER CHIP???? IN HER NECK??? did they microchip her... so they can track her location... or is it some sort of coded information... oh this is soooo evil

back talking with melissa!!!! my witchy best friend!!! melissa wants scully to unpack her memories, but can you blame her for NOT wanting to do that?? does reliving alien testing sound fun to you??? but, despite her reservations, she goes to a hypnotherapist anyway because she is a good sister and melissa played the "please? for me?" card

(damn, this show sure has a lot of hypnotherapy. it’s funny because i have never encountered it at all outside of this show. maybe it was the big thing at the time? and they wanted to be cool and trendy?)

but we’re back now, in repressed memory town, circa the Duane Barry era. regarding whoever was conducting the tests on her, she says she couldn’t resist them. hey what does THAT mean!!!

things look close to getting revealed when she says it’s time to go. like i said, i can imagine this is probably top ten worst sensations of all time.

so she drives back home and skinner is there??? HUH???? she looks sooooo gagged. and i was too.

(tell me why. oh god this is awful. tell me why my first reaction was “she must be going back to her mom's place... and he’s dating scully’s mom”) (cue the "i'm going to start dating her HARDER" scene from the office)

back in New Mexico. to end the ceremony, mulder must not do any work, change clothes, or bathe for 4 days. PLEASE DO THIS THING MY FRIEND. the boys give him a pouch for sunflower seeds, which he asked for during the worst of his fevers. the sunflower seeds... that when he heard them as a kid, reminded him he was not the last person in the universe... my sweet babygirl, who is a grown man breaking many many laws... glad to have you back in our world

albert shares that he went to the origin place, so overall, this mission seems to have been a success. so please, mulder, do NOT screw this up!!! sit in a hotel room and eat your seeds in your dirty clothes just do NOT break the rules of the ceremony that just saved your life.

scully calls skinner, asking why he was at her place, and he denies ever being at her apartment. BUT cig man is sitting right in front of him soooo it wouldn't have been a good time to talk anyway...

mulder is monologuing into the abyss, as he has found a way to infiltrate scully’s dreams!! very impressive!!

cutscene to his father’s his funeral. scully is there. because she is fundamentally good. she hasn’t met his mother before, right? i recall thinking earlier their first exchange might not go well, because of the whole sacrificed the “sister” for her in the hostage exchange deal thing...

but it actually goes as well as a first meeting a funeral can go. and without citing her prophetic dreams, scully tells her that she has a strong feeling he will be found. scully engaging in the supernatural...? are her sisters words ringing in her ear? or does she interpret a prophetic message dream as a message from the subconscious. i don't even think she knows.

meanwhile, a suspicious man watches this. he wants to talk to her away from the others. he makes some vague sort of reference to the UN league of alien safeguarding, and he says with confidence that mulder is dead.

AND THEN HE STARTS DESCRIBING HOW SHE WILL BE MURDERED???? okay could we GET any more unsettling. survey is saying no. anyway, she will be murdered with either with an unregistered weapon and people who will be out of the country right after the crime has been committed, or by someone she trusts visiting her house. uh oh… skinner looking sus

she asks why she is worth killing: "you want something they don’t- justice” hmm. many such cases in american history.

this guy claims to be tipping her off because his colleagues are acting “impulsively” and her death would just draw attention to them. i mean they have already killed like, 3 people if you count presumed dead mulder, but maybe one more would really push it over the edge?

mulder’s mom comes home. AND HE’S THERE!!!! in different clothes. 4 days had best have passed. i refuse to contemplate that he violated the terms of the ceremony.

okay, back from the dead, and he is interrogating his mom about his dad. she is not answering any questions- does she truly not remember or is she just deflecting... she wants to know what the deal is, and he grabs a gun and says it has to do with samantha. and leaves ominously. that man sure does want to make a dramatic exit.

missy wants to come over (scully calls her sister missy!), and she says to come over. but then someone immediately calls and hangs up- a universal sign of danger, as scully knows. she tries to call missy back, but she doesn't pick up the phone. so she calls back and she says she’ll go over to missy's place instead. the air is very very tense. something is about to go down. but what?

running to her car. and IT'S SKINNER? he says to get in the car. scully goes in anyway but is very clearly suspicious he’ll kill her. AND SHE PULLS THE GUN ON HIM WHEN THEY GET TO MULDER'S PLACE!

“don’t turn around, or I’ll blow your head off” TEAAA! let out some of that rage i was earlier commenting was so well managed.

“don’t think I won’t do it, you son of a bitch” “no, I believe you” <- LMAOOOO he knows she is NOT messing around. and he does everything she asks of him, even sitting on his hands.

NOOOOO MELISSA GOES TO SCULLY'S PLACE AND KRYCHEK SHOOTS HER????? WHAAAAAAAAAAT???? he looks down and realizes it isn't scully, so he tells his companion that they should just leave. absolutely useless flop of a man. how did he even get into the FBI. maybe they'll just take anyone.

back to mulder's place. skinner claims he has the tape, and that he took it from mulder's desk. then why would he have sent her on the fool's errand of trying to find it? and now they BOTH have guns drawn on each other… as someone approaches the door…. presumably mulder coming home???

OHHHHHH this is the first time i have wanted to drop absolutely EVERYTHING and go straight into the next episode, writeup be damned. AUGHHH. what about melissa!!!!!! please let her make it PLEASE I CAN’T WATCH SCULLY ENDURE THIS!!!! can you imagine if she walks in the door and sees her sister bleeding out... hopefully krychek was too much of a failure to even land a lethal wound.

and honestly, from the moment I laid eyes on Krychek way back in s2, so long ago, i KNEW that he was a fucking rat. like. evil evil evil. idk how they’re gonna try and make me like him again if they decide to keep him on as a recurring character, but i truly do NOT give a fuck about what sort of backstory they come up with for him. i’m choosing anger over healing here.

i’m that guy by the cork board pinning things with string and smoking a cigarette until all the things line up because truly WHAT is going on!!!!

really great episode; the pacing and suspense were fantastic, i feel pumped to start a new season, i have a million questions but in an exciting rather than an overwhelming way, skinner you are once again on thin ice!!!

#melissa you have to live it is not negotioable. i am no longer asking.#krychek you deserve every ounce of suffering you have so far been denied in your life due to your cherubic frat boy looks #may hell unleash upon him like the flooding of the yellow river #we are soooo back baby!!!!!!!!!#juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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dyke-pollinator · 1 year ago

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(this ask is a get-out-of-jail-free card to infodump about osrs)

OSRS is by far the best mmo as far as I'm concerned. You can do literally anything in it. It's so simple. Its just a little medieval fantasy point and click RNG simulator. But that simplicity is what makes it so addicting.

You can literally just do whatever the fuck you want on it. The game doesnt hold your hand at all, and while I can see how that would be overwhelming for new folks getting into the game, its an aspect that keeps me coming back.

It's kind of a single player mmo. Like sure there's content to do with other folks, and it can be social at times, but like your account is yours. Everything takes such a long fucking time in that game, especially if you're playing as any type of Ironman account, that the game feels more personal.

Like I don't play nearly as much as some folks that I know and I still have nearly 5000 hours of in game time on a single account and its not even in the late game yet.

Like sure these stats are pretty decent for an iron, but I haven't even started going most of the end game content like Raids, CG, Nightmare, ect.

No only that but I legitimately that the osrs content creators are some of the absolute best gaming content on Youtube. By far. It is insane what some of these people do with the game, all because of how much of a sandbox it is.

Even if you know nothing about osrs or Runescape in general, I would HIGHLY recommend checking our SoupRS on Youtube and watch his Gielinor Games series. All of them. Start with the first season, and watch them all if you like it. Its like a survivor style game with challenges, voting, bannings, and testimonies, all through the lens of osrs.

Settled is one of the funniest motherfuckers on Youtube and has multiple videos about region locked accounts that are still easy to understand for folks who have never played the game.

Jeporite has a NorthernUIM series that leaves me in hysterics every video.

J1mmy is one of those content creators that turns everything he touches into something good. I cannot praise all of his videos enough, including the ones he makes that arent related to osrs. However, his osrs F2P series is one of my favorites.

Hannanie is a trans woman content creator that just makes some of the most off the wall insane videos I've ever seen. Seriously, she made a fucking 21 part series about cutting fucking trees in this game and managed to make every installment a banger. Hannanie is a treasure and everyone should know her content.

Imo the only gaming content on YT that comes even close to osrs is probably Minecraft, but that is mostly because you can do so much modding that the content stays fresh.

Also look at my silly little pets:

I promise you I spooned the shit out of every single one of them.

Rock Golem at 89 mining, Groot at 86 farming, TWO fucking rex pets before 140kc, 42kc thermy.

Plus with the RuneLite client, you can make your in game interaction as customizable as you want. My whole client is fucking Miku themed lmao. The community has made so many amazing plug ins for this game including a full HD client with dynamic lighting effects, increased GPU distance rendering, ect.

OSRS is a great fucking game and you should definitely be playing it. I will take full responsibility for the thousands of hours that you lose to it. I could go on but this post is already a lot longer than I was expecting it to be.

As an aside: Ironman does something to you. Why do I have 117k Light Orbs in my bank? Idfk might need em. 20k gold tiaras? Just in case. 10k snake skin? You never know when something might pop up. Hoard Everything.

#osrs #runescape #old school runescape #osrs youtube #I may be a bit burnt on the game now #but it always pulls me back in eventually #honestly this post may have been what gets me over the burn out #cause now I just wanna play #I #This is what happens when you want an info dump from me #You may need some kind of autism to play this game however

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cosmicjoke · 5 months ago

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New York, New York 1980

The jumbotron overlooking Times Square reads 11:48 PM and minus three degrees, Dec. 14th, 1980. Ugly, orange glow of numbers hazing through the mist, don’t mean anything on their own. Feels like minus twenty with the humidity. Snow’s started coming down heavy, and the streets have gone empty and silent. His breath fogs the air in front of his face and it’s knives down his throat when he breathes in.

Ash thinks he might die tonight.

He’s on his own.

Billy and the others took off a couple hours ago, he don’t know where to. Didn’t tell him and he didn’t ask. Probably to find shelter. Deadly out here, tonight. Deadly. Lotta’ people weren’t gonna’ make it to sun-up.

He swallows, sniffs hard. Snot keeps dribbling outta’ his right nostril, running down to his lip, freezing there in a thickening crust. He wants to wipe it away, but that would mean unwrapping his arms from around himself, and he thinks he might just go then and there if he does.

Eyes hurt, burn with tears as he glares up at that big, stupid screen, flashing through the dark and fog.

He needs to find some place too. Needs to find somewhere. All them shelters booked up, though. Every space taken. Coulda’ got there, maybe, if he hadn’t been workin’ the streets so late. But he needed money. Needed it bad. Hadn’t eaten in days. Would starve to death, soon. That’d be worse than freezing to death, he figures. Freezing to death, he figures, you just go numb, and then you get real warm, and you just give up and then you’re dead. Starvin’ to deaths worse.

Though maybe he should rethink that, considering how much this hurts.

Needs to find somewhere.

More than seven hours to sun-up, and it’s only going to get colder.

Subway car stinks like piss and vomit, the overhead fluorescents flickering in and out, an annoying, loud buzz emanating from the fixtures. But it’s heated, at least, and empty. Quiet. Better than being up top in the snow and air.

Ash keeps his arms wrapped tight around his torso. The denim of his jacket is worn through and wet from slipping earlier in the snow slicked street, the worn-out soles of his sneakers not made for any sort of traction. He can’t take it off. Even if it’s warmer here, he doubts he’ll manage to pass the entire night riding the subway. He hopes for a few hours, at least. If he’s lucky.

But Ash ain’t never been lucky.

He gets maybe half an hour of rest, another hour of going from stop to stop, before the car fills up with the ruckus of laughing voices, whooping and hollering.

Ash opens his eyes. It’s a group of gang bangers. Buncha’ hooligans.

He feels his body go tense at the sight, pressing his back against the hard plastic of his seat.

Shit.

This wasn’t good.

He had to get off before they spotted him. They’d take his money, if he couldn’t. They’d rob him. Maybe worse.

He tries not to be noticed as he stands and makes his way for the exit. He doesn’t get far, though, one of the punks calling out to him.

Ash stops, tries not to cringe away as the group comes toward him, blocking off his escape.

“Well, what do we got here?” One of ‘em starts. Big, tall guy. Gotta’ be seventeen, eighteen. There’s six of ‘em. All about the same. No way past. Ash knows he ain’t got a chance. “What’re you doin’ out so late, all on your own, little boy?” He grins down at Ash, ugly, crooked teeth, greasy hair hanging down around his red face. “You all alone, little boy?”

Ash can feel his heart hitting hard inside his chest, his own breath loud inside his ears. His mind races, tryin’ to come up with something, anything to get him out of this.

“… I… I’m meetin’ my brother.” He croaks after a long moment, the lie heavy and bitter on his tongue. He thinks of Griff and knows he probably won’t ever see him again. “I’m meetin’ him at this stop.”

“That right, little boy?” The punk grins wider. “You meetin’ your brother? ‘Cause we didn’t see no one out there.”

“H-he’s comin’… he’ll be here.” Ash stammers, voice thin and shaking. “I need… I need to get off.”

“Yeah… I don’t think so.”

The blade seems to come outta’ nowhere, just suddenly there in the punks hand, flashing in Ash’s eyes.

“Whatch’u got, boy?”

Ash steps back, his hands automatically reaching for his pockets. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Give it, you little shit!”

“I… I don’t got…”

The words are hardly out of his mouth before he’s being grabbed by the collar of his jacket and shoved back against the wall of the car, the knife suddenly at his throat, sharp edge of it digging painfully into the soft skin.

“Check his pockets.”

Ash knows better than to struggle. There wasn’t nothin’ he could do.

They find his money. They take it. A whole nights worth of work. Eighty-three bucks.

Ash thinks he should be thankful they don’t take his jacket and shoes too, though he guesses those wouldn’t be worth nothin’ to ‘em.

“Thanks, kiddo!” The punk tells him. “Now, didn’t you say this was your stop?”

They throw him out of the car, onto the platform, just as the doors are closing. He can hear their laughter behind him, and a moment later, the train is gone.

The concrete beneath him is freezing against his naked palms and the worn-through holes at the knees of his jeans.

For a long time, Ash just sits there like that.

He can hear it up top, on the street, the wind whistling down through the exit and into the tunnel, carrying the cold with it. He starts to shake, an already painful sting bleeding through the thin layers of his clothing.

When he finally pushes himself up, his palms are scrapped bloody from the impact. He bites his lip, hard, willing back the tears threatening in his eyes.

Wasn’t no use crying.

He glances around for a clock. Finds one. It’s a quarter past one in the morning. If he gets back on the train, he could get mugged again, but this time he won’t have no money. Doesn’t know what would happen, then, so he thinks he better not. Nowhere to stay, then, to keep out of the cold. He’s fucked, he thinks.

He meanders around the station for a while. Tries one of the public bathrooms. It’s damp and dark, the wind from up top seeping in through the swinging door, turning the space colder than out on the platform. He can’t stay here, he knows.

Doesn’t know where to go.

Finally he makes his way back up to the street.

It’s like walking into a wall of knives, the cold cuts so sharp and deep. Ash folds his arms around himself, sticks his hands under his armpits, tries burying his face against his shoulder, but nothing really helps, lungs burning with frigid air. He’s got to get out of this. Some place. Any place.

He’s come up onto 57th, near Central Park South. The park seems like an even worse idea than the subway, but he doesn’t know where else to go.

There’s some dive bars still open, but not for long. And anyway, Ash knows he wouldn’t be allowed to stay. He’s eleven fuckin’ years old. They’d throw him out, most like. ‘Cept maybe… maybe someone’d feel sorry enough for him to let him stay.

… Maybe he should go back to Club Cod and ask for his room.

The thought forces bile up into his throat. For an instant, Ash thinks he really might be sick. Not that it would really matter. Didn’t have no food in his stomach, no how.

He only gags a little, though, wiping at his mouth. He can’t stop shaking, the tips of his fingers and toes numb and pained, his nose aching viciously, won’t stop running.

He wanders into the park, knowing it’s a stupid move, but Billy and the others sometimes came here, when they couldn’t get into a shelter, and Ash hopes maybe he’ll find ‘em.

He makes his way toward the spot they’d usually be, but he knows soon enough they ain’t there.

The park is empty and silent and black well beyond his vision, the glow of the lamps lining the walking paths obscured and vague through the dense fog.

Ash licks his lips, a sick worry dropping down into his guts.

Nobody was out here tonight.

Nobody was dumb enough. Not even the stalkers and pervs and muggers.

Guesses it was just him then. Just him who was dumb and desperate enough.

He makes his way back to the street. He starts to cry. It’s pathetic, but he can’t help it.

He’s gonna’ die if he can’t find somewhere warm.

He stumbles along for a couple more blocks before he can’t make it any farther, huddling beneath a storefront awning.

There’s a bar across the street, open, by the looks of it, but nobody’s hanging around out front.

It’s his only option, now, and so he takes it, hurrying to the other side. Even if he only gets a few minutes of warmth, it’s better than nothin’.

Walking in, he gets blasted by a wall of heat. The relief is almost enough to make him start crying again, and he finds himself suddenly sapped of energy, sagging against the wall closest to the entrance, limbs stiff and frigid.

It takes him too long to really notice his surroundings, and when he finally does, he feels his stomach turn.

It’s a strip joint.

There’s a stage in the room’s center, chintzy lighting effects illuminating it in regulated patterns of blue and white flashes, the rest of the space shadowy by comparison, hazy and dreamlike, a thick malaise of cigarette and cigar smoke filling the air. Music pumps through the overhead speakers, monotonous and irritating in its predictability, the stench of liquor everywhere. There’s only a couple of patrons sitting around the stage. Overweight pigs who can barely pretend at being interested in the woman prancing around more than half-naked in front of them.

Ash stares up at her, and feels himself start with recognition.

He knows her.

One of the girls that works the streets out there with him. She calls herself Betty Boop, but her real name’s Beatrix. Not that he would say anything. Ash ain’t his real name, either. Griff called him Ash. Papa’s the one that added Lynx to the end ‘a that, ‘cause he said that’s what Ash reminded him of. A lynx.

He didn’t know she worked as a stripper too, but it makes sense, for nights like this, when workin’ the streets wasn’t really an option. Ash would do it too, ‘cept nobody would hire him for that kinda’ work. Not if they were runnin’ a ‘legitimate’ business, anyway. Places like Club Cod, though, he was naked more often than not. Only he didn’t get paid for it. He didn’t get nothin’ for his hard work, there, ‘cept the privilege of not dying.

He was lucky they let him out at all. Was lucky, he guesses, that Papa had taken him out of being a regular there. He only had to work when there was a special client needed takin’ care of.

He shakes his head, his throat tight. He doesn’t want to think on that. Doesn’t want to think of that place.

Nobody’s noticed him yet. He hopes he can keep it that way for a while. He doesn’t want to go back out there, into the cold.

So he stays where he is, and waits, and eventually, Beatrix comes off the stage, disappearing into the back. None ‘a the pigs even gave her any cash, fuckin’ bastards. Ash thinks, if he had any left, he’d give her a few dollars at least.

It’s maybe another five minutes, and still nobody’s spotted him, when he sees Beatrix again, comin’ out of the back, dressed in regular clothes and heading for the exit, right where he’s standing.

Ash feels frozen, then, not knowing what to do. She’s gonna’ see him, and he doesn’t know what will happen if she does. Doesn’t think he wants her to.

But he can’t move, and he sees the moment she recognizes him, her eyes going wide.

“Hey… Ash?”

Ash just stares up at her, not knowing what to say, his voice at once lodged in his throat.

“Honey… what are you doin’ here?” Beatrix looks around, worried, it seems like, that someone will spot him.

Ash looks away finally, shrugging weakly.

“… Just stumbled in, I guess.” He mutters. “Didn’t know you worked here.”

Beatrix looks back at him, mouth twisted into a frown. She’s got that look again. The one that Ash knows means she’s feelin’ sorry for him. The one he knows means she’s worried about him. He wishes she wouldn’t bother. Wasn’t like he was worth it.

“Oh, honey, ain’t you got no place to stay tonight?”

Ash keeps his eyes away, shaking his head.

“… Missed out on the shelters.” He mutters again, folding his arms around himself tighter.

“… You can’t stay here, hon. You’re too young. They’ll have to throw you out, soon as they notice you here.”

“… Yeah. I know.”

“Were you workin’? Out in this weather?”

Ash nods, feels his throat close up.

“Oh, sweetie…”

“I’m alright. I’m fine. I’ll leave soon. You don’t gotta’ worry. If you’re scared they’ll think you let me in or…”

“Ash, I don’t care about that. Look… I can’t let you go back out there, knowin’ you’ve got no place. You’ll freeze to death.”

“I’m alright.” Ash insists again.

“Nah uh. Ash… listen… why don’t you come with me for the night? I’ve got an apartment. My man’s gone for the week, out of town. You should be okay to come by and crash there.”

For a moment, there’s a thrill of dread through Ash’s guts. The thought of being locked in an apartment with one of them pimps. The ones that were always tryin’ to snag him. He couldn’t think of a worse situation to find himself in. It hardly registers to him an instant later that Beatrix said her man was gone for the week. But what if she was wrong? He knew how the pimps treated their women. Like they were property. Like they belonged to ‘em. Like how Papa treated him.

What if her man came home while he was there?

Ash guesses she must see the worry on his face, ‘cause she comes up to him then, reaches out and takes his hand.

“He won’t be back tonight, honey. I promise. You’ll be okay.”

Ash hesitates.

He knows he can’t really afford to turn her down. He knows he’s lucky, that he would have the chance at all for a warm place to stay tonight, when he’d been sure less than twenty minutes ago that he could die if he spent much longer out in the streets.

And so he shoves down the uncertainty and fear threatening to choke him, and nods weakly.

“… Thank you.” He whispers, and Beatrix just smiles, squeezing his hand.

“Come on. Let’s get you someplace less disgusting than this, huh?”

Ash snorts a laugh.

“S’not so bad.” He says. “Not compared to some places.”

He doesn’t elaborate on that, though. Wouldn’t be no point. Doesn’t wanna’ ruin Beatrix’s night any more than he already has.

“If you say so, sweetheart.” Beatrix smiles, still holding his hand. “You didn’t… I mean… when I was up there?”

Ash shrugs, looking away.

“I seen a lotta’ stuff. It’s alright.”

“Oh, Jeez, Ash, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’m alright.” He repeats.

What the hell was he gonna’ tell her? Seeing a naked woman wasn’t anything new. Women had raped him. Clients at Club Cod.

Beatrix doesn’t say anything else after that, and he doesn’t either, just follows her out of the club and to her car, parked across the street.

It feels even colder than it did before, but Ash guesses that could just be ‘cause he got a little warmth. Whatever it is, he’s just happy when they get inside her car. He reaches out, pressing his frozen fingers against the vents blowing hot air.

He stares out the window as she pulls out, watching the falling snow as it comes down harder than before, beginning to whip past in a dizzying, blinding wash of white. It’s quiet. Now that he’s out of the cold, almost peaceful, and he can feel the exhaustion starting to weigh down on him.

He feels relief when they finally make it to her apartment, and he follows close behind as they make their way up the stares of the tenement complex.

“That damn elevator’s always out.” Beatrix mutters as they trudge their way up. “We’re almost there, hon.”

“… It’s alright.” Ash tells her, even though, by the time they make it to her floor, his lungs are burning a little, his legs weak and shaky beneath him. He tries to hide it, but he don’t think he does a very good job with the way Beatrix keeps eyein’ him.

“Here we are. I know it’s not much, but it’s clean and warm.”

Ash looks around and thinks about tellin’ her that, to him, it’s like a fuckin’ luxury hotel room compared to some ‘a the places he’s had to stay before. But he only shakes his head and tells her it’s great, and he means it.

“Bathroom’s right down that hall and to the left.” She points. “If ya want to get cleaned up, there’s fresh towels in there. I don’t really have any clothes that’ll fit you though, darling. I’m sorry.”

Ash shakes his head.

“S’alright.” He says. “Can… can I take a shower?”

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

Ash thanks her again before making his way down the hall.

He knows if her man was here, he’d never feel comfortable enough for this. But it’s just Beatrix, and he knows she understands. Knows she goes through the same hell each night he does.

He’s still cold from the outside, and it’s almost painful when he steps under the warm spray of water, the tips of his fingers and toes burning. It’s only a few seconds before it turns pleasant, though, and Ash sags in relief against the stall, the lids of his eyes drooping closed.

He’s so tired. He just wants to go to sleep.

Sometimes… sometimes he thinks… he’d like to fall asleep and never wake up.

He shoves the thought out of his mind as he steps from the shower, drying himself off and dressing quickly. He’s happy at least to be out of his wet jacket and shoes, keeping his feet bare as he makes his way out of the bathroom and back down the hall to the living room.

He stops at the threshold, uncertain as he spots Beatrix moving around the small kitchen space, heating up what looks like TV dinners in a microwave.

“Oh, Ash!” She at last notices him standing there. She smiles at him. “Was the shower alright?”

Ash nods, finally moving forward.

“That’s good.” She keeps smiling. “I don’t know if you’re hungry, darling, but I heated up some tv dinners, if you want to eat. It’s nothing special, but…” she shrugs, holding the plastic trays up for him to see.

Ash feels his stomach squeeze and cramp, letting out a loud growl as the smell of the food hits him, his face warming in embarrassment.

He hasn’t really eaten in two days.

“I guess that’s a yes, then?” Beatrix laughs. “Come here, you can eat at the table. I’ve got some orange juice too, if you like?”

Ash swallows, hesitating a moment before moving to the small, fold out table near the kitchen, pulling out one of the vinyl backed chairs.

“O-okay.” He agrees. “Thanks… th-thanks…”

“Of course, sweetie.” Beatrix smiles again, placing one of the dinners in front of him, along with a fork. Ash watches her as she takes out a glass from one of the cabinets then, and a pitcher of juice from the fridge. He suddenly feels parched, swallowing dryly, his throat clicking. He thanks her again as she hands him the glass.

“So,” she starts, sitting across from him. “you doin’ okay, Ash? How come you didn’t have no place to stay?”

Ash digs at his food, keeping his eyes fixed down. He shrugs.

“What about renting a room?”

“… Got robbed.” Ash mumbles, still looking away.

“Oh, baby… I’m sorry. Are you alright? I guess that’s a stupid question. Of course you aren’t.”

Ash shakes his head, beginning to eat.

“I’m alright.”

For a long moment, Beatrix doesn’t say anything, and Ash is happy to concentrate on his food. He hopes she’ll drop it.

“I can give you some cash, if…”

Ash immediately shakes his head no.

“No, I’m alright. I don’t need your money.”

“But…”

“Besides, your man’ll be mad if you’re short, won’t he?”

The room goes quiet then, and finally Ash looks up at her, sees her mouth pulled into a tight frown.

“… I’m sorry.” He hurries to apologize. “I shouldn’t ‘a just assumed…”

“No,” Beatrix shakes her head. “it’s alright. You’re right. It’s not really my money to just… give away.”

Ash feels shitty, then. Feels like a jerk.

“It should be.” He blurts. “You’re the one doin’ all the work for it.”

Beatrix laughs at that.

“You’re sweet.” She smiles, reaching out, ruffling his hair.

“No I ain’t…” Ash ducks away, turning his face aside. “I ain’t sweet.”

“You are. You’re a good kid.” She insists. “It’s not right, you livin’ this life.”

Ash scowls, dropping his fork.

“It’s my life.” He spits.

Beatrix pulls her hand back, frowning, her face confused.

Ash thinks of Dad. Thinks of what he told him. ‘Make sure you get paid’, he’d said.

Like it was natural.

Like it was natural for what happened to have happened.

Like it was what was meant for him.

Papa told him so too. Papa told him he was made for this. Told him he was perfect for it.

He can’t explain all that to Beatrix, though. Can’t make her understand.

This was his life. It was the only life he was ever gonna’ have. Only life he was ever meant to have.

He wasn’t sweet.

He was a filthy whore, was what he was.

He belonged on the street. He belonged in this life.

His eyes burn. He wipes clumsily at them with the back of his hand.

“I’m tired.” He mutters. “Can I go to sleep?”

“Yeah, of course. Of course, Ash.” Beatrix tells him. “Here, I’ve… I’ve got a futon. Lemme’ just set it up for you.”

Ash feels bad. He shouldn’t ‘a snapped at her like that. Wasn’t her fault. She was just tryin’ to be nice. Just bein’ kind. She didn’t know him. Didn’t know what he was. Where he came from. He feels like shit.

He watches as she folds the bed out from the ratty looking couch, sets it up with a blanket and pillow.

“There you go, hon.” She smiles at him again. “Hope it’s not too uncomfortable.”

“… Thank you.” Ash whispers. Can’t look at her now. Feels like such an asshole. “I’m sorry. I’m just causin’ you trouble.”

“No you ain’t, Ash. It’s alright. Come on. Get some sleep. Don’t worry about anything.”

Ash don’t argue. He can barely keep his eyes open. By the time he gets to lyin’ down and Beatrix has turned the lights out, it’s barely a few minutes before he’s lost to the world, pulled down deep into black dreams.

“I’ll pay you back the next time I see you.” Ash promises come daylight. Beatrix tries to tell him he doesn’t have to, but Ash has learned it’s best not to owe anyone any favors, if he can help it. So he keeps insisting until she accepts, and then he’s gone, back out onto the streets.

He takes the subway back to 42nd. Billy’s there, loitering around in front of the peep shows. Ash makes his way toward him.

“Hey, there you are, man!” Billy greets. He slings his arm around Ash’s shoulders, pulling him in against his side and rubbing his knuckles against his scalp. Ash tries pulling away, but Billy doesn’t let him. “I thought you might’ve bought it last night, kid. Man, it was cold.”

“It’s still cold.” Ash grumbles, annoyed.

Billy laughs.

“So, where’d you end up?” He asks, finally letting Ash go, pulling out a pack of cigs. He knocks one loose and holds it out.

“Thanks.” Ash takes it. He waits for Billy to light him up before answering. “I ran into Betty Boop and she let me crash at her place.”

“Damn, lucky.” Billy laughs again.

“What about you and the guys?” Ash asks, takin’ a drag, letting the smoke seep out slow through his nose.

“Me and Zach made it into a shelter. Dunno’ ‘bout the others.” Billy tells him, takin’ his own drag.

Ash feels somethin’ sick slither through his guts at that. He hopes no one died.

“I wish it was summer.” Ash says.

“You say that now,” Billy answers. “but you’ll be just as miserable when it’s fuckin’ 90 with humidity.”

Ash frowns, takes another drag off his cig.

“Yeah, but at least I won’t have to worry ‘bout freezin’ to death at night.”

“True that.” Billy grins at him.

They stand there for a little while then, not sayin’ nothin’, and Ash hopes it’ll stay that way, but of course it doesn’t.

“So you stayed out workin’ last night. You crazy, man. I hope you at least made bank.”

Ash swallows, stares down at the cigarette between his fingers, flicks the ash from it. He shrugs.

“How much you make? You couldn’t afford a room?”

Ash brings the cigarette to his lips, sucks on it hard. The smoke burns down his throat.

He remembers the first time he smoked a cigarette. Billy’d given it to him. He’d felt like he was going to cough up one of his own lungs. He’d never tasted anything so disgusting. Like breathing in tar and fire. He guesses that’s what it was, really. Guesses you could get used to anything, after a while.

“I got robbed.” He admits finally, his face warming at it.

Billy scoffs like he knew he would.

“The fuck, man. How? You ridin’ the sub again? I told you not to do that shit.”

“I didn’t have no place...” Ash starts.

Billy cuffs him against the back of the head, and Ash stumbles forward a step, the blow leaving a dull throb through his skull. He doesn’t say nothin’. He was used to Billy hittin’ him now.

“How much you lose, man?”

Ash hesitates.

“… Eighty-three bucks.” He finally says.

He cringes, expecting another hit, but Billy just sighs, shakin’ his head.

“Dumbass. You ain’t never gonna’ make it out here.”

“I’ve made it three years already.” Ash sneers up at him.

“Yeah, ‘cause ‘a me.” Billy sneers back. “You little dweeb. You need a fuckin’ gun.

“… Can’t afford a gun.” Ash looks away, miserable.

“Look at you. You can’t weigh more’n sixty pounds soakin’ wet. You need a gun.”

“I said I can’t afford no gun. Lemme’ alone, Billy.”

“I could lend you the cash.”

“No.” Ash shakes his head.

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t wanna’ owe no favors. Lemme’ alone.”

Billy tsks.

“You’re so fuckin’ suspicious Ash. The hell’s wrong with you? I’m offerin’ to help.”

“No you ain’t, Billy. You’re an opportunist. You’ll hold it over me ‘till I pay you back somehow.”

Ash sees Billy’s hand come up, but he ain’t fast enough to get outta’ the way. An instant later he’s on the ground, the taste of blood on his tongue, his lip pulsating in pain.

“What kinda’ kid talks like that?” Billy frowns down at him, shakin’ out his hand. “How old is you, Ash? Eleven? You’re the weirdest fuckin’ kid I ever met.”

Ash wipes at his bloody lip, stares at the bright red against his fingers.

He doesn’t say anything as he pushes himself to his feet, dusting the snow off his pants.

He dropped his cigarette. Great.

Billy keeps eyein’ him, and Ash wonders if he’ll hit him again.

He sniffs, wiping at his nose.

“Just leave me alone Billy.” He mutters. “I don’t wanna’ kill no one.”

“Why? You already did, didn’t ya?”

Ash’s eyes sting and he turns his face away.

“… I shouldn’t ‘a told you that.” He whispers to himself, but Billy hears him anyway.

“Yeah, well, you did, Ash. Whatch’u think? You can be better than the rest ‘a us?”

Ash wraps his arms around himself, vision blurring.

“… I ain’t better than no one.” He whispers again.

“Damn straight, you isn’t. You wanna’ make it out here, Ash, you gonna’ have to let go ‘a that soft touch you got.”

“Fuck you, Billy.” Ash spits, but Billy only laughs.

“You wanna’ busted nose to go with that lip?”

Ash doesn’t say nothin’.

He thinks of Griff. Thinks of how his brother used to hold him at night when he got scared ‘a the dark, or whatever. Thinks of how his brother was so kind.

He misses him so much.

“Pff, whatever, kid. I’m outta’ here. See ya around, I guess.”

Ash doesn’t watch him go. Wasn’t no point.

Guesses he better get to hookin’, if he wanted to eat. If he wanted some place to stay tonight.

He wipes at his nose, and doesn’t think about much at all as he trudges his way down the street to stand in his usual spot.

Link to my a03: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wbss21/works

#Banana Fish #banana fish fanfiction #Ash Lynx #pre-canon

12 notes · View notes

n7punk · 1 year ago

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"City of Angels" Fic Notes

CoA is done! This was a fun little ride. It ended up a bit longer than I predicted but this is the first fic in a while that didn’t become a runaway so I’ll take that. Actually nvm I just checked and I predicted this fic would be 15k. Oops. The share link will be up later tonight, but for now, here’s the fic notes!

Playlist:

My playlist for this one was less emotional stuff and more “LA sucks” songs, so it’s shorter, but honestly it worked really well. For me, a playlist is something that either 1) helps with the mood/ideas while I’m writing or 2) something that makes me WANT to write when I hear it because I tie it to those ideas, so the LA songs actually worked really well even where they were less relevant. The emotional songs are all centered around the breakup/conflict at the beginning, but the playlist still worked.

City of Angels — Em Beihold.

LA — The Veronicas.

Arizona Pretty — Kailee Morgue.

The Very First Night — Taylor Swift.

Strangers — FLETCHER.

I’m Not Mad — Halsey.

Good Idea At The Time — The Wombats.

MODERATION — Lilyisthatyou. (I’ll be honest I think I added this when I was writing the club scenes as, like, the kind of background music they would be hearing to get in that mood because it’s not relevant to the rest of the fic, but it is a banger lmao)

Epilogue Life:

For a while, Adora and Catra are infuriatingly vague to the press about each other. They’ll go to events together and act like a couple, telling stories and clearly knowing each other well, but they just get all mysterious when asked questions. Eventually, after many months of dating, they’re a bit more willing to talk about their relationship. At that point they confirm that they are dating and later admit that they went to the same acting school, having known each other since they were kids. It takes a long time — “coincidentally” shortly after Catra’s career really solidifies her as someone to watch for years to come — before it comes out that they were foster kids with the same guardian who trained them in acting. They basically just say “yeah, she was our teacher so it was kind of like being in class 24/7” and don’t comment on it further. They (well, Catra at least) would love to dig into Weaver, but saying anything bad about Weaver is basically signing a ticket to have her try to sell every one of their secrets she knows. The closest they get is when someone bothers Catra about the “mutual guardian” thing with her then-fiancée and she basically snaps “that was not a family, that was a boarding school. We were not her children or siblings” and the clip ends up online. Mysteriously, they never hear anything from Weaver in retribution, but DT soon after stops having a favor owed to them at two different tabloids.

Adora and Catra both settle into each other’s places and lives. They keep calling their places “Catra’s apartment” and “Adora’s house” for a long time because each is definitely more owned by one of them (both legally and practically), but in daily life it really has morphed into the apartment in the city and the private house passed the edges of town. Their relationship rekindles beyond where it used to be and, despite them never really publicly “clarifying” their relationship once they’re on the same page about being traditional girlfriends, everybody treats them as a couple up until the point where they get married and become wives instead.

For a while Adora remains more famous/ubiquitous than Catra, but her career peters down over time while Catra diversifies and has such a range she becomes one of the go-to magicats in Hollywood. Adora is very happy with her moderate success and wildly successful wife, though. I don’t remember if I kept the “joke speculation” about this in the fic, but eventually Adora leaves show business to direct a small children’s theater group with the love and warmth she was missing in her own education. She loves it. She loves working with the kids, she loves the low stakes of community plays, and — as referenced in the fic — she loves stage acting.

Catra keeps up in Hollywood all the way until she’s a gray fox, always attending her award shows with her wife on her arm, which is pretty much the only time Adora steps back into the limelight. Adora had her fun, but her own mental health does better in her new career path. It barely pays, but that’s what Catra and Adora’s old investments/savings are for. Occasionally one of her kids really goes down the Hollywood path and Adora does a little networking for them.

Chapter 1:

⦁ Neck kissing is enough of a thing for Adora that it was a total red flag that it wasn’t doing it for her and I find that hilarious.

⦁ Catra’s reputation for calling shit out really bit her as soon as the public picked up on her interaction with Adora. The theory Adora was secretly racist was slowly gaining some traction within Catra’s fanbase, as well as outside of it when that seemed more scandalous — ie, profitable to talk about — to gossipers/tabloids. Catra had been avoiding Adora for years as she built herself up, but when that started spreading, she reached out for Adora’s sake as much as hers. Being friends with some of Adora’s friends, all the stories she has heard seemed to show Adora as she remembered her and not some egomonster twisted by fame, but even starting to wonder if the Adora she loved still existed and their relationship could be repaired, she stayed away until she had a name of her own to stand on. Partly because of pride and partly, yes, because of the stupid superstition.

⦁ Catra was really trying to puff herself up for the encounter, scared of Adora getting under her skin again, but the end of it really threw her off. She made the dig about Adora’s talent and realized — at least a bit — how much it hurt from the way she retreated, and then Adora backed down which she doesn’t do, and then she said she missed her and left. It was the first step to Catra really starting to consider her again.

⦁ When I went to write the first chapter end note, I realized you could easily consider DITM, ASGNE, and SaD “celebrity” fics, not to mention stuff like 5GR that brushes up against fame in some other way, or even SLAS with the socialite aspect. I only really consider DITM and maybe ASGNE celebrity AUs, though, with the others just dealing with some level of fame or notoriety in their specific area (cosplay, sports, etc).

⦁ I was supposed to do a whole fic extra about this, but I didn’t, so I’m just going to whack it up as a block of text here regarding Adora’s reputation and public perception: Adora came out of nowhere and played a kind of a-typical character to be the lead of an action series. She was so similar to her character and dorky in interviews that she immediately grew a very attached fanbase. You know that gif of Jennifer Lawrence looking at Anne Hatheway at the Oscars “like she’s a unicorn” because she’s fangirling herself that everybody reblogged back in 2014 or whatever? Yeah, that exact gif exists of Adora and was kind of the vibe that inspired her public perception here. That and the girl who played April Ludgate saying weird shit in interviews. Adora seems ~quirky and relatable and down to Earth~ (AKA doesn’t know how to cultivate a public personality or censor herself) so she gets a lot of fans pretty quickly. She has this cocky thing that works for lesbians and this “girl next door” vibe that works on everybody else, so she keeps getting “typecast” in those roles because that’s what everyone wants to see her in and her fans will follow her from movie to movie without hesitation when those similarities are there. Of course, the truth is taking on a totally different character is difficult for her, but between auditions for other stuff not working out and more of that fair calling for her, she has been legitimately typecast at this point. She’s way too honest in interviews and it works out for her. Everybody feels connected to her despite how there are sides of herself — the fragile ones — she never lets anyone see, and she’s a household name with her face synonymous with an entire franchise.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Perfuma was there to make sure they didn’t end up hooking up in the bathroom as much as she was standing guard, it’s just that no one ever said that to Adora. Perfuma was supportive of them reconciling now she was getting to know Catra better, but she thought that just might be counterproductive to it.

Chapter 3:

⦁ Catra knew there was a chance of them meeting at the party since she closely associates Randor’s name with Adora. She assumed Adora wouldn’t happen to be on the other side of the country to come to the party, but it was in the back of her mind as a possibility, so she wasn’t that surprised when Adora showed up. Mostly she was grateful for someone she could seem like she was engaging with socially while really she could just relax.

⦁ I rarely put Catra in skirts but in this case it was insurance to make sure her tuck never showed or anything.

⦁ Imitation is part of my larger universe of fics, with it being one of Catra’s movies that she won an Oscar for in DITM. Gunmetal was one of her movies in that fic, and later one of Sea Hawk’s in ASGNE (he was also in it in DITM), and in this fic it’s the third of Adora’s trilogy of movies.

⦁ Catra’s name being “Beth” in her breakout role is once again a reference to the “her real name is Elizabeth” joke from crew.

⦁ Alright the premise of Adora’s breakout trilogy is basically you have a classic action guy who’s secretly a spy and he’s in love with his next-door-neighbor (Adora) who he greets in the hallway every morning. And then in the first ten minutes of the movie he goes missing, and Adora accidentally witnesses suspicious activity at his place and then he never comes out to greet her in the mornings anymore and it starts her down this track of investigating for herself and finding his secret spy gear and going on a mission to rescue him without any knowledge of the spy organization he actually worked for. The whole movie there’s this assumption by the audience that she loves him back and that’s why she’s going to these lengths. She talks with another character about how they’ve known each other since high school and you think oh when she rescues him there will be a confession, and then she does rescue him and, when he’s finally in the movie again after an hour and 42 minutes (at no point was he shown before that so the viewer is just as unsure as Adora whether he’s still alive), it’s revealed she was his babysitter back in the day (she’s a few years older) and she sees him like a younger brother and has no connection to him like that, on top of being a lesbian with a girlfriend he didn’t know about because it turns out he really didn’t know that much about her at all having only had some conversations with her in the hall after they happened to move into the same building after going to different colleges. It’s partially a joke and partially a commentary, although not as progressive as it’s going for considering they casted a 20-year-old for the female lead and an almost 30-year-old for the male despite him supposedly being younger because in Hollywood women HAVE to be young and attractive. It does solidify Adora’s character though, because she went through all of this just for a guy she once knew as a sweet kid and that she was worried about. The sequels are set up by his spy agency inviting her to join them at the end of the first movie since she proved herself by rescuing one of their own. It’s a good button on the end of a single movie and was also a great setup for sequels when they were greenlit. The last two movies have an overarching story connection with the agency turning out to be corrupt and his capture was an inside job, though they can be viewed individually. He’s, once again, barely in the movies and has been demoted to deskwork (which does end up giving him a critical moment where he witnesses something at the office that blows the corruption open, so he’s still important but not the focus). Adora’s struggles with balancing her secret life with her girlfriend are a sideplot in the sequel and in part III they’ve broken up due to Adora being a shitty girlfriend (big oof, Superzero parallel there but it also hit too close to home for in-universe Adora) and she’s gets a new love interest in the form of a sidekick. At the end they basically found their own agency together after taking down her old one. Lesbians love the power dream. In the first movie (and in later movies, but especially at first where she isn’t a part of this world) the character Adora is playing is basically… herself, but with action hero skills, which is why she was cast, because basically as soon as the team saw her audition they were like. That’s the girl. That’s who we’re trying to get someone to play and that just is her. The movie ended up being successful enough that it spawned a graphic novel followed by a comic book series which ran for years and kind of went off the rails into cloning and shit. Typical comic weirdness tbh, but the technology in the comic is noticeably more futuristic (and impossible) than that in the movies. It’s almost like the comics are set 60 years later.

⦁ Catra started blockers and hormones younger than… like 99% of trans people. Part of there being less transphobia means it’s easier to realize your identity and a Lot easier to get access to healthcare, so her natural voice isn’t deep or anything, but when Adora talks about it getting rough that’s Catra letting go of the training she has done to keep it controlled, not just in pitch, but also in cadence.

Chapter 4:

⦁ The tabloid website description is based off my (likely inaccurate) memories of the one time I stumbled into an article on the extremely trashy Perez Hilton gossip magazine website. My memories of it are that they were being truly disgusting about how a like, 16 year old Disney actress was dressed.

⦁ Being that this is a transphobia lite AU, name/gender change process stuff is better and more effective. Catra got her birth certificate and everything updated at a very young age, so unless someone wanted to dig specifically into name change orders from the county she grew up in the year she did it, it would be very hard to find out she used to have a different legal name or gender.

Chapter 5:

⦁ There’s a lot of talk about Catra being “more” talented, and while it’s right, it’s relative. Adora wasn’t cut out to be a great actress. She has honed the skill until she was capable of doing it, but Catra is more naturally inclined towards it and, having had just as much time to hone her skill, is still better. That doesn’t make Adora untalented, it just means she’s not naturally inclined to acting and she was set up to a losing game when Weaver made sure that was the measure by which she valued them and taught them to value themselves. Of course, Weaver still views Catra as mediocre (because she “doesn’t apply herself” and “surfs on talent without honing her skill”) and she views Adora as having the dedication, making her more favorable, but not having enough because otherwise she would perform better than the “lazy” Catra. She also just views Adora more favorably because 1) she does well at stage-acting, an art Weaver’s shitty intellectualism views as superior (in the way that people writing Adora’s biographies in twenty years will say she was even greater than anyone ever knew because she was a good stage actress too), and 2) talent or not, Adora got more roles, and more results meant she was clearly better. Whatever Adora’s technical faults, Catra’s sour attitude was clearly holding her back. If Catra would “just change” then she could finally live up to her potential, and thus she must be personally spiting Weaver by holding back. Weaver’s view of the world is very self-centered.

⦁ Part of the reason Catra said “never again” despite liking the dance was the possibility of them being seen. It would be easy for the tabloids to paint her as a toy or somehow to diminish her worth with it. The rest was that while it was hot, it could become problematic behavior if it were in a pattern — and maybe behavior in line with the selfish, attention-hungry version of Adora she built up in her head when they broke up.

Chapter 6:

⦁ Catra sends Adora that smile after mentioning sleeping in a limo because she’s thinking about how they almost hooked up in the car, it just kind of went over Adora’s head.

⦁ Alright, hybrids and makeup. So far mentions of Catra’s makeup in others’ fics where she’s “supposed” to be human are the number one immersion breaker for me in those (because I just imagine Catra as a magicat regardless) but I do think hybrids could/would wear it. It varies by species obviously (lizardfolk essentially have scale paint they can wear and claw polish/strains, but nothing else that looks traditional beauty products), but a lot of the hybrids could wear some level of the typical stuff. There’s kind of three camps on Catra’s appearance (full fluff, general fluff but not on some places like faces and hands, or no fur just skin). Obviously in the third she can wear all regular beauty products, but it’s noncanonical and not my usual interpretation. I guess I’m somewhere in between them, but either way the skin just around her eyes could probably take fairly traditional products, and she could wear things like blush if there were a special style of product for it that doesn’t exist in our world to accommodate fluffy cheeks. As such, I think wearing lipstick or eyeliner isn’t out of the question for Catra ever, but things like eye shadow and blush get more iffy depending on your interpretation, and foundation is pretty far out there. All that “possible hybrid products” stuff established, Perfuma’s line has a lot of stuff like that included and that’s part of why Catra was talking about the differences in formula for their different kinds of skin. And if you always picture her hairless then I suppose she was just talking about the colors on different skintones to you.

⦁ I had a whole thing I cut out from this chapter about how Catra transitioned under Weaver but I deleted it for the transphobia. I’m going to cover it here, but like, trigger warning. Basically, context matters a lot, so stuff that’s just problematic for reasons unrelated to transphobia in their world is awful in ours. With it being socially acceptable, Weaver didn’t have a lot of reason to say no to Catra’s transition other than it being expensive, which led to things like Catra borrowing Adora’s clothes until she had outgrown the ones she already had and Weaver would let her buy new ones from the right department now she had to spend the money anyway (did they look much different than the ones she already had since neither of them are super femme? No. Did they feel better? Yes). Adora mentions Catra doing HRT young, which was absolutely what Catra wanted, but the part I cut out was that this was one of her few choices that Weaver fully supported her in. Support is kind of a bad word, though, because the reason she approved was she thought that Catra needed to transition as early as possible if she was going to do it because otherwise she might not fit beauty standards and not get any parts. Growing up ugly might as well be every pageant mom’s worst fear and has little to do with gender in-universe, but IRL this is just horrible. There’s so many people who have thought that they couldn’t/shouldn’t transition because it was “too late” and I didn’t want to include anything like it in the fic. I’m only including it here because I’ve previously thought about how controlling Weaver would be in a situation where either of them transitions (in AUs or canon) so I had to think about what would lead her to supporting it and keeping it “a secret” in this AU over the years of Catra’s fame. At this point revealing Catra is trans wouldn’t gain Weaver anything other than making Catra uncomfortable about strangers knowing her deadname or just thinking about her genitals at all (I’ll never forget that Laverne Cox interview where the interviewer thought for some reason they could/should ask about if she had bottom surgery and she just had to laugh it off and say “I’m very happy with the situation down there” without clarifying).

⦁ Regarding timing, my trans headcanons for them fall in line with my sexuality headcanons for them. Catra knows and falls young, but Adora takes a lot longer and might need a big push. In the case of transitioning, Catra realizes very young she’s a girl and is insistent on the fact no matter what others try to tell her. Adora tries to push through it and doesn’t understand why she can’t live up to macho standards or whatever (or never feels like she is, anyway) until eventually enough shit piles on and the realization breaks that she never wanted that set of standards anyway. She would absolutely be the one to be like “Well I’m just Aware™️ of toxic masculinity because I listen to my female friends so much and that’s why everything feels wrong, no need to question the masculine part tho!” with her blinders on full force.

Chapter 7:

⦁ Adora is continually baffled by Catra’s ability to not measure things or use a recipe.

⦁ Entrapta is primarily a VFX and CGI artist in this verse but not a force on Earth could stop her from hacking sometimes.

⦁ Part of the reason Catra wanted the site down was for Adora’s sake. She knows the joke bothers her too.

⦁ Chapters 5, 6, and 7 are interesting because they all contain a scene that was originally in one of the others. They saw a lot of rearranging, which is the main reason I took three days before posting chapters 4 and 5 as I got 5/6/7 settled. I’m ordering this by how things originally started and putting where they ended up in parenthesis. Originally, Chapter 5 had the morning after scene (CH5), an Instagram scene (deleted, I’ll explain in a sec), the the aquarium scene (CH6), photoshoot scene (CH6), and the confession scene (CH6). Then the fic rolled right into the final chapter, 6, with the talk show (CH7) and Clawdeen scenes (CH7). More stuff from the final epilogue was planned to come after but by then I had new ideas and ended up inserting two new chapters to accommodate them. The cut “Instagram” scene featured Adora seeing Catra with the Star siblings on Jewel’s Instagram story and wondering about where things stood with her and Tali. She tried to focus on her shoot, but that night Catra texted her for a booty call and Adora accepted. It gave Adora some confidence that Catra was coming to her when Tali was more convenient, but she also didn’t know if Catra had just struck out. The truth was that being around someone she used to hook up with got Catra thinking down those lines again (horny) so she called Adora up. This felt like too early or them to hook up again, though, and writing that scene got me thinking about the dynamic between all three of them, which gave me the idea for the club dance scenes. When I initially wrote them, they opened chapter 6 following the confession scene and were really different. It didn’t fit with them already being “official,” even if it was casual. I didn’t want to have two scenes centered around the Tali thing either since it really wasn��t a big deal in their lives, so I cut the earlier Instagram scene in favor of the dancing and moved it to before the confession by moving the photoshoot and confession back to chapter 6. I also wrote the scene in Catra’s kitchen at that time (originally opening CH6) but moved it back because (conversely) it didn’t fit with them not being together yet. That’s when Chapter 6 took it’s final form in the fic. I changed the concept of Chapter 7 to go from “wrap up/epilogue” to “public interacting with their relationship” with epilogue following in Chapter 8. I moved the kitchen scene in to 7 and paired it with the talk show and Clawdeen scenes for the final version in the fic. Whenever I moved a scene, it needed rewriting to fit within the tone of their relationship in its new place in the timeline, but sometimes that was the entire reason I moved scenes. The club/dance scenes did not feel like they took place when their relationship was confirmed, so I moved them back to before it. The scene in Catra’s kitchen didn’t feel like it took place before they were confirmed because Adora should have been freaking out about the implications of people thinking they were dating a lot more, so I moved it after. All these moves still required tweaks, but I think everything flows way better where it is now and the chapters (5, 6, 7, and 8) are all decent lengths rather than the final two chapters turning out to be behemoths. After writing this note, I realized I had to go back and rearrange bullet points in my fic notes too since the relevant scenes had moved LOL

Chapter 8:

⦁ The reason Adora’s house is so far out is because that’s what it takes to get a quiet neighborhood where no one will rat her out to the press. Some of her neighbors recognize her, but so far everyone has been chill.

⦁ I’m putting it here because I kept waiting to squeeze it into the fic and I never did so this is my last chance: Weaver’s “backstory” in this is that she wanted to be a Hollywood star and thought she had gotten her big break when she was cast in a soap opera that showed promise. Season one was so bad it crashed hard and almost sabotaged the careers of anyone associated it. Still, hate watching numbers are still numbers, so it came back for a second season that had such low viewership numbers (since it wasn’t even interesting enough for hate watching really and that kind of thing always has a limit) that it was canceled halfway through and the rest of the filmed episodes never aired. Weaver pretty much never got cast in anything again. When she started to age, she “accepted” it was over since Hollywood likes young and beautiful women. She became an acting teacher, and after one of the children from her first set of classes went on to get a successful role, Weaver saw the dollar signs and the chance to maybe grasp at a fraction of the fame she wanted. She decided to foster two potential cash cows and try to raise them up with her as their stage manager so she can directly attribute their success to her (this was as important to her from a personal vindication standpoint as it was a financial one) and finally say that she clearly had what it took to make it in Hollywood since she could steer others through it, she just got unlucky guys :(

⦁ Before I wrote anything for this AU I predicted it would be 5 chapters and 15k, but by the time I went to post it that... was obviously wrong and I said 6 chapters at 30k. It ended up at 38k and honestly at this point I'm calling that win with my history.

⦁ Okay this AU. is interesting. Normally I would put an “Original Outline” at the end of the chapter summary but this one is really brief so I’m just tacking it onto Chapter 8. The idea for this AU came when I was listening to City Of Angels and went “the Catradora vibes are so here,” so I put it on my possible AUs list as just “City of Angels AU” and moved on, waiting for that idea to catch. A few months later (back in February or March probably?) I randomly got the idea for — essentially — chapter 4. I outlined the award show scene with the stupid golden touch joke, them talking on their date (though when I outlined it the conversation had no context) and then them in the car and going home together after “some party.” I had other fics at the time that I was working on, so it had to wait in line, but it was really stupid and fun. I didn’t have much overarching planning ahead of time, so there’s not much to go over other than stuff like the changes around Chapter 5, 6, and 7, but I will say the old plan was for the stuff I labeled as CH5 to, well, be in chapter 5 and then the final chapter would be award show stuff and them at a party together. As I was writing I watched Eddy Burbank’s video on the death of late night TV and added the interview scene (I find those a lot of fun anyway so it was kind of glaring that one was missing in hindsight) and then the Clawdeen scene just kind of happened and led to other changes. The final scene of the fic was outlined before all the major changes that added two more chapters, but it just added to the roster of scenes that required the buffing out.

Upcoming:

So. Here’s the thing. I kind of promised I wouldn’t do something a long time ago and like, I’ve dabbled adjacent to it, but now we’re. we’re just doing the damn thing. So the next AU is called Trade Today For Tomorrow. And it’s going to be up like, in the next day or two probably. Because I’m insane. I wrote over 7000 words in one day. Actually I did something similar for this project, I had like two 6k~ days. I’m in my unhinged era.

#im fucking INSANE for my next project so i had to edit this so i could post it and be able to start doing that #i mean i finished CoA 4 days ago. ive just been posting every other day while i work on the new thing since its fucking long #but brrrrrrr its almost time so lets get this up tonight #coa #fic notes #ficmeta

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boyinafandom · 9 months ago

Text

YOU

Part 1

Song of this installment

Yes I’m bringing this 2020 banger back SHHHH

This is technically an au

In this au there are:

•Toby, still has Tourette's, although barely mentioned when in his pov because he's used to it and tunes it out now

•he still has his canon mental illnesses don’t worry

•he has no cheek scar-he has a lot of freckles though, that he covered in the first story with makeup, because it’s an easy thing to identify him with.

•his family isn’t dead, he’s just fucking crazy or sum idk (this is subject to change though? When i find lore, because in most cases psychopathy is made from child abuse-although it is believed that it may be genetically passed so…)

•reader is trans ftm (read part one for like context in there transition) not apart of the au but im TIRED AND SICK OF THE STRAIGHT FEMALE Y/N WE NEED MORE TRANS REP

TRIGGER WARNINGS

•kidnapping

•implied that someone (and everyone) Y/N knows and works with is now dead

• torture

•manipulation

•MOMMM TOBYS BEING A MINDLESS HEARTLESS CRAZED FREAK AGAIN

Summary

It’s been about a three years since the whole “clock em over the the head and tie him up in your basement” incident, you thought it was over.

You were sorely mistaken.

______________________

Y/N’S pov

I changed jobs, moved away,changed my name for the 6th time in my life time(while only being 27). Started over. AGAIN. Because I’m incapable of keeping the creeps away.

I don’t know why I didn’t kill him like I did the others.

You know, usually, when the restraining order doesn’t work, instead of telling the police, you take matters into your own hands,but he’s slippery, more then I thought, he got away, how could I have let this happen, now look at me?

Locked in a basement, and cold, uncomfortably dry basement, waiting for who I can only assume to be the man I thought I so blissfully got away from (and almost managed to kill) a few years back.

And now that I say all this. You must be deeply confused, so allow me to explain.

______

September 4th 2024

12:34 AM

It’s freezing, and my makeup is starting to come off, thankfully I brought my mask. Why is this place still going on this late anyway? I mean, I get wanting a good midnight scare, (I work as a scare acter now) but it’s a freezing September night, the only people who are showing up are drunk…and..shit..someone is coming, ok- got to get into position

I borrow myself into the corn field..and wait

…

AND SUDDENLY I LEAP OUT AT THEM WITH A SCREAM

Dowsing them in fake blood and landing on top of them…I was not meant to land on them…shit..

I hear an audible groan

“Oh shit I’m sorry man! That was not meant to happen-“

“Naw man it’s fine-“

He sounds vaguely familiar,but who doesn’t,right?

I get off him, and he starts to get up

Shit I wasn’t supposed to break character, I then feel my alarm go off in my pocket..

My shift ended?? Then what is this guy doing here?

He smiles at me a wide..sharp toothed smile..

“What’s the alarm for?”

“My shift ended, it’s close time. What are you doing this far out?if I may ask?”

“You may, and I got here about an hour ago. I made it this far out because I…don’t actually know..?”

He does a full 360* turn and looks heavily confused, like he knew what he signed up for, but doesn’t know how he got where he is now.

“You uh..want me to walk you back?”

His neck jerks and he says a fast yes, clicking his tongue and stuttering

“You uh..good?”

Either he’s a tweaker he has tics, please god don’t be a fucking tweaker.

“So..why’d you come out this late?”

I say, since he completely ignored my question

“Hm..? Oh uh-? Just felt bored”

His hand jerks

It’s hard to see in the heavy lack of light. If it wasn’t for the moon shining over us, I wouldn’t even be able to tell if he was a man or woman,but…he reeks of copper..

Copper..

“So..you work here? Or do you volunteer??”

He asks

“I uh…work here..also sorry, this walk will take a minute, this is the end of the scare trail after all”

I say with a chuckle

He looks at me

“What’s funny?”

“Hm?”

“You laughed, so what’s funny?”

I start to feel a prickle up my spine at the sudden change in demeanor,cold running up and down my body.

“Oh um..nothing sorry, just trying to break the tension that’s all..”

___

At some point after light conversation we end up back on the well lit trail…and then I see his face. He’s covered in freckles, and fake blood and he has a..large scar on his eyebrow..

Odd

I cut rogers when I tried to get rid of him for good

Whatever

We keep waking and then I smell something, it reeks of copper and cigarette smoke, Jaden usually smelled like cigarette smoke..

It starts to click

I walk over to the source of the smell..

Then I see it, this blobbed red thing..

“Hey uh..I realized i never got your name”

The guy says

“Where did you get that scar..?”

I say without turning around, peering into the ditch trying to see if my suspicions were correct

“You.”

And then then I feel him, his hands on my face. a wet rag over my mouth and nose, I try to hold my breath and fight but I quickly start to lose air..and then I breath it in..and lose consciousness…

_____

And that kids,is how I got locked in this creeps basement…

Fuck I hope Charles ok…

Shh..I can hear movement upstairs

______

TOBY’S POV

This is GREAT. I finally get to see you again-mostly because you were to dumb to recognize me, shame really, I thought you loved me tiger.

We’re in love! So how did you not recognize me????it’s fine I suppose, I already killed the bitch you replaced me with. I mean seriously??? A bleach blonde twink??? I am so much better than him.

Much

Better.

As I make my way down stares,to you,I kind of realize-that you,mhm you tiger-probably don’t recognize me. It’s a shame, you didn’t see to recognize me when we saw each other again.

I hope you didn’t forget about me.

I slowly creak the entrance to you’re sell (that I made just for you! By HAND, because I truly care about your comfort) and there you are, immediately on alert, jerking about in your seat, thrashing about.

“Your only gonna make it tighter,tiger, I’ll untie you soon, you just have to stop struggling and relax”

You stop,surprisingly, and try to find the source of my voice.

“MFGHH!! MFH MOH”

You bark at me, to bad your mouth is gagged, I’d love to hear what you have to say.

“Hm? What was that?”

I mutter with a smirk, walking over to my table, and picking up my flaying knife

You hear the metal clink, I hear the scared whine you make.

“You’re about to be in a lot of pain tiger. Too bad you deserve it.”

You start to cry. But you didn’t comfort me when I cried…because you weren’t there.

“Stop crying, it’s gonna get a lot worse,Y/N.”

I pull the cloth out of your mouth, and you immediately go silent, like a whine or even scream is born and killed in your throat, maybe you think your silence with get you off easy, but it won’t. So don’t bother.

“Don’t bother struggling.”

I stab into your top of you’re left thigh, bluntly and brutally, and you cry harder, screaming so loud your voice breaks.

“Mhm. Let me hear you pretty boy.”

I pull it a little farther out and watch the blood gush out of your thigh, you’re screaming and crying, not begging though.

“It doesn’t matter how loud you scream, no one can hear you, this place is sound proofed.”

You stop screaming, and then huff something out, it’s so quiet I can almost barely hear it like it’s taking up all of your strength.

“Yknow…you’re a pretty good actor….”

I can’t help but not laugh, I mean complementing me? Really? That’s not gonna get you out of this.

“Why are you laughing? What’s funny?”

You mutter

I quirked an eyebrow

“Oh nothing…”

I rake the blade into your thigh one more time, this time you only jerk your spine in response.

Now I’m never letting you go.

____

I KNOW I SAID I WOULDNT MAKE A PART TWO BUT HERE IT IS. Eat up smucks:3

Also sorry that I’ve haven’t post a fic of any kind in like a month in a half, life likes to rake its nails down my back while licking my ear lobe lol

#creepypasta #ticci toby #stalker ticci toby #ticci Toby fanfic #we love a trans y/n :3 #dead dove do not eat #Spotify

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scout-in-situations · 6 months ago

Text

hey yall!! i’ve reached 35 unanswered asks which is NUTS, i didn’t think people would enjoy scout being placed in situations so much! since theres so many i will be briefly closing the inbox to catch up on all the requests.

you lot are so damn funny there are some absolute bangers in there, keep em coming when i reopen the inbox :D

#modposting

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mondaymelon · 1 year ago

Note

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy melon :) so about that little ask game of yours,,,,,,, 2, 14, 16, 27, and 31!!

i will ignore your previous transgressions for the pure sake of silly

silly ask game!!!!

2. lighter or matches?

i am a stupid little person and thus my fingers fail to cooperate with my very few coherent thoughts and for some reason when i like yk drag the match over the little strip thats supposed to light the fire it just. doesnt. light??? like back all the way in the elementary days we went to like this camp and i could not for the love of me start a goddamn fire and then i got marshmallow stuck in my hair because someone fucking flung it and the half-melted thing catapulted instelf onto my poor locks ... :( ...my past haunts me. that, and also lighters are more aesthetic and sillier to draw so. lighters. mmm

14. do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

id love to be all dreamy and misty eyed and be all "yes, its my favorite thing in the world" well smiling absentmindedly facing the pale light shining through the window with my chin resting on my palms but i could only say that if i went outside long enough to smell the wet dirt lmoa.

( yes, yes i do. and the name for it like petrichor or smth is so pretty too... although my love for freshly cut wood, printer paper, and those brown paper towels triumphs all. )

16. can you drive?

haha. no. lmao. because ive been putting it off for the sillies. that, and my family dont have another car since its my brothers till he gets shipped to college next year <33 besides hes basically my personal chauffeur anyways <- lie he does not put up with my shit nearly that well

BUT YOU BET WHEN THE DAY COMES WHERE I HOP INTO THAT VEHICLE CRANK THE KEYS AND DRIVE OUT INTO THE OPEN, BEAUTIFUL WORLD THAT ILL CRASH STRAIGHT INTO A TELEPHONE SERVICE POLE ANd BE BLOWN UP IN A SHOWER OF GLOWING SPARKS !!!

27. about how many hours of sleep did you get?

haha anyways next question

31. what kind of music keeps you grounded?

uhmmm hrmmm i like to listen to really fast paced (BREAKCORE ML <333) or very layered music where theres just a lot going on because for some silly reason it quells my thoughts that are a little too silly. if it does not fit my very specific and petty requirements i usually take multiple songs. and yk. just. play em at the same time. at max volume? i think the max ive done is 8 or so? believe me animal ( specifically amane milgram cover )+ god-ish + loli god requiem + meme (MIKOTO AND JOHN... i offer you my beating, bloodied heart <33) + im your treasure box (beware, she moans a bit., and the mv is a lil... m) + ussewa + judas (NOT the lady gaga ver) are actual bangers when you play em all at once with each one at like x1.25 playback speeeeed

... wait hold on just one moment. lemme do something rq

ah. okay maybe just one more for good mesaure haha

maybe... this... means something. yea no lol lmao what am i on about

#★ ˎˊ˗ melonrambles!#★ ˎˊ˗ inbox... mooties!!#⋆˙⟡♡ᝰ.ᐟ - yui (lets sweetly ignore the symptoms <3)!!

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dimonds456 · 1 year ago

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Hi, just asking for a friend/hj, have you ever had insecurities about your creations or artworks? How do you usually deal with them?

Oh yeah, all the time.

I don't know if I really have an answer to that. I grew up before cringe culture, lived through it, and am now thankful it's dying. I was always posting because I was excited about whatever I had worked on, and wanted other people to share that excitement, y'know?

I was less focused on audience reaction and more on how happy and proud I was. Even during the "cringe" era, I was always WAY more focused on how happy posting made me feel.

To younger artists, I guess the best piece of advice I can offer is to just enjoy the process. My favorite part of coming up with ideas is, well, coming up with them! I have SO many stories I haven't even breathed a word of online, not because I'm afraid to or am hiding something, but because I just have so many.

You can post all of them, you can post some, you can keep 'em to yourself, whatever your comfort level, but just take joy in creating and live the process of making things. That's the best part. And, I tend to find that things I feel super passionate about, others will find cool, too.

Not every art with be a banger. But I don't think they should be. If you only ever made good art, that'd put such a huge weight on your shoulders. You'd put yourself higher and higher up on a pedestal, and you'd start disliking the creative process.

Being creative is about having FUN with it! Do it because you're silly. Put that old man in a situation. Redraw that meme that made you laugh. Draw hands just to enjoy the struggle with it! Write difficult action scenes just to play with the prose! Put down cords just to hear how bad they sound and have a laugh!

Not all art will be beautiful, or meaningful, or even good, but all art has value in that the artist enjoyed making it. And if the artist liked making it, then there will be an audience for it out there, somewhere.

That's my two cents, anyway.

Edit before posting: There's also another thing I think all artists should watch. Musicians, writers, painters- all of us. Break free and create. This vid helped me so so so much with that.

youtube

#dimond speaks #i hope this was helpful!#i got more passionate as I was writing lol #but yeah! this is part of the reason FC has taken me so long to finally start working on #i wanted it to be the best it could be and kept playing with the story to get the best out if it i could #on and off of course but yeah #all the fanfic and fanart i make is made from love and passion. i hope all artists can feel that way no matter what they're making tbh #take joy in the process.

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solarflicker-ao3 · 1 year ago

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omg this is me trying not to pick every single option for the fanfic writer ask thing. like good lord i would love to know ALL OF THAT.

I’ll narrow it down tho :)

4, 11, 17, 23, 27, 40, 56

if that’s still too many, feel free to just pick your fav one!!

I got ‘em all!!

Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Ruined Ambitions is largely drawn from my own experiences, other people’s experiences, and shameless wish fulfillment. But then for longer pieces like Judecca and an upcoming fic it’s some part of the culture that I live in (Bible Belt) and wanting to be a moderately pretentious contrarian about it. Also occasionally prompts, but I have a very long list of those to choose from.

Link your three favorite fics right now

Poured Out Like Water

this one is insanely underrated!!

sickly sweet

a certified @jittyjames banger my history says I’ve read it dozens of times 😳

no talk of god

devastating don’t let the cover art fool you. It’s a perfect prequel to the uk arena tour and the characterization is so good.

What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

Depends on the block. If I’m just completely stuck, and hate everything I’ve ever written then just trying to push ahead is pretty useless. Those are all signs that I haven’t been taking physical care of myself and I need to get back on track before there’s any point in adding stress from writing goals.

But if that’s not the problem I play video game music! It’s perfect since it’s designed to keep you focused on whatever you’re doing. If I can push myself past about ten minutes without switching to a different tab, that usually breaks the block enough for a oneshot.

Best writing advice for other writers?

It’s cliche but perfect is the enemy of good. So find the point where it’s good enough and then let it be. Also if you really hate the scene you’re writing you should probably change the scene.

What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Honestly it’s when I get a comment or bookmark from someone who connected with what I wrote. A lot of the stuff I post comes from very personal and vulnerable places and it’s nice to not be alone there.

Least favorite is when I’m stressed out for other reasons I get absolutely convinced that everything I’ve written is terrible and embarrassing. Like it’s a great outlet but thanks for the new vulnerability I guess 🤨

If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Literally so many. If I had the skills I would probably be doing illustrations for every chapter and every oneshot. Top three would be Judas being healed in Judecca, the date in Not Just Any Man, and literally any moment from What’s That In The Bread?

What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Okay so just being able to write gay stuff at all is very significant so I am very proud of that. When I was a kid/teen i would go out of my way to make it clear that my characters were Definitely Not Gay because that would be Wrong. Stylistically I also think that my stuff is fun to read and I love hiding easter eggs and literary references.

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theuniverseawakens347 · 2 months ago

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Yal got my 3 bodies in three different areas so we are a house divided.

Like the establishment of the White House has its issues and the ppl clearly see it.

That’s this right now.

I got nipsey crossed over to help govern from another world higher dimensions over seeing the “let’s go” plan

I got Tristan T A B … governing the gang bangers llc

And I got me giving Yal parenting lectures on how when n where the whole world went wrong before I woke once granny lost gilbriona…

Modern family: right now it’s not a strong parent double house hold bc … welp dads on a business trip or better yet the “stronger” parenting tactic is away from the house so the kids will play…

Until me and Tristan link Lee will get it …

Some of yall already been hit up by ermias.. to KNOW IM NOT CRAZY… and THIS IS RRALLY REAL …

Other of you sooooo deep in greed and sin that “well I’m not doing the right thing til the dead man her husband and Alexis wallace walk into the library” …

NIGGAS IS TRYING TO SURPRISE ME… NOT YOU.

I AM UR SURPRISE.. NIPSEY AND MY CROSSED OVER FAMILY I NEVER GOT TO EXPERIENCE IS MY SURPRISE …

WHY WOULD I REWARD YA BAD BEHAVIOR!??

That’s let’s me know ya so …. Caught up in being spoiled you don’t care about anything else …

Like a bad ass kid

“I’m not admitting anything bc I don’t want to get in trouble”

UR ALREADY IN TROUBLE FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND BEING AND ACCESSORY TO CRIME…

I TOLD DIDDY LLC OVER TWITTER TUMBLR N INSTAGRAM THEIR TRIAL WAS COMING 10+ yrs to DRATH ROW … and those who turned in their shit immediately got their time frame… those who kept going without a fuck got death row…

Now they in a court room n diddy getting trialed…

ITS GON BE WHAT I SAID SWEETS.

….. mom and dad went on vacation and you got a babysitter watching over the kids…

Who’s the baby sitter who’s the parent in this case ?

Well just like my holy 3 it’s flows ♾️ … not on a Russian loop but like break down that analogie..

Baby sitter is left rules and reparmendations .. mom and dad tell kids be good ( Yal didn’t listen to the law) .. WE ON VACATION OR AWAY FROM THE HOUSE FOR X TIME… n you showing out for the baby sitter cause “ this bitch knew she don’t know me”…. So she tells you okay mom and dad not going to like that plz stop .. time out …

While texting mom and dad wtf you been doing while away.. ( it’s the same thing here those in the law office and court are working with the civilians who already turned themselves in willingly or got snatched up for being apart and their getting their trial sentencing etc there… the White House picking a new president kamala* WHILST going thru a branding … DC ASKED LEE TO GET ME N MY TRISTAN THERE PAULA BARTON .. KIMBERLY SIGNED OFF AND BOTH SAID WE PSYCHO AND CRAZY….so we hear PUBLIC EXOCUTION AND REBRANDING WHILE EDUCATING THE PPL… its NOT perfect and RIGHT OUT THE GATES I EXPRESSED IM NOT PERFECT THATS THE BEST PART OF THE COMING OUT PARTY… now we gay 😉 )

Mom n dad come home and welp… YA BABYSITTER “snitch” FACE TO FACE and ya get a punishment …

Over text it’s a place holder punishment but not the final thing ( that’s where I lose some of you)

Bc like …. Ex:

Babysitter : halo walking out the crib and I asked em stop cooking..

( why she keep picking Halle?? CAUSE DDG LOST N SCARED AS A NEW YOUNG DAD .. sold a “this will be fun we in it together” and NOW HALLE WEEDING n being reckless cause SHE KNOW SHE GET DEATH ROW and ain’t told the house and lying to her sister how much time they getting so the energy off … MOFOS IN THE HOUSE KNOW BUT ARIES AND HALLE N SOMETIMES TEE ( Chloe) BE ON WEIRD SHIT .. ddg mom freaking out it’s tooooo much emotion coming up w the passing of their brother and damn “my youngest son just had a child who NOT EVEN 1 YET AND THEY LIFE FEEL LIKE ITS FALLING APART AND THEY TRYING TO BE THEIR GLUE BEFORE THE INDUSTRY FAME AND HALLE STEPPED IN.. they divided between Chloe and tee and this YouTube ring … WHWRE IS THE ENERGY LIGHTER N BETTER .. MOMS TAKING ON A LOT .. she feeling like a single mom with 17 kids the way Yal got ppl over ddg it helps but at the same time you accessing a lot AND A CAREER CHANGE IN MUSIC … ddg caught between being a son dad … two his mom and his girl… Jess hilarious lala Milan lala Anthony Iman shrumpet etc .. ya got support groups ur understanding but UR ALSO ALREADY FOR GOD TO BE HERE ON EARTH… but I got mofos holding MINE BACK)

Ddg / mom* : well put em in their play pin w toys

( this just a bs example to get the type of bread down for the sandwich you pick your toppings how it fit to your taste buds … but we gon go fresh rolls)

( ddg got multiple wives ( it takes a village to raise a child THIS is why you talk n plan WITH your community ( family) before bringing in life ESPECIALLY when ya got fame on ya name and energy in n out ya house often)

Ddg+ mom back from wherever

“Thanks for informing us out side of what you texted me anything else ( I got baby cameras two ) we beed to know … ?

Baby sitter : no just the trying to cook and constant moving..

Ddg/ mom* : okay well thank you … I’ll see you next time … HERES UR EQUAL PAY IN MONEY .. ( or if shawty need some school supplies or a necessity within means… HOSPITALITY … equal trade services… NOT SEXX .. ya whore$.. not saying this ddg n Halle house issue w a babysitter but it is for them music videos… so like what ya do in the streets ya bring into the home … pornstars that’s a different meat )!

Punishment talk:

Ddg: “Halo I see ur a strong grown 1 yr old man.. but it’s dangerous cooking on your own right now… so for the next “punishment “ ( bc the crime WASNT THAT BAD) dads going to teach you how to cook something simple until you’re ready to start the more complex things .. and when you feel energetic we’re going to get you a treadmill to run ( or whatever in budget to get the zoomies out the way) .. “

Boom… Halle “ yeah. “ ( picks up baby to seem like she’s in agreement.. then does her own thing .. maybe go shower like man for beds)

….

I’ve been there w Daniel and neffi… we got a common denominator but two different ways of parenting WHILE IM TRYING TO PARENT MYSELF AND THE “other adult” ..

ITS STRESSFUL ..

THATS WHAT THIS SITUATION IS LIKE WITH THE WHITE HOUSE TRYING TO LOWER THE RATE OF BULLSHIT AROUND THE WORLD ( yara and Aja IM NOT IN POLITICS FOR THE PROPER TERMANOLOGY BUT I KNOW MORE ABOUT LAW AND RESTRUCTURING AND PARENTING ETC THAN YOU … THATS why ya jealous NOT JUST ME NOT GOING TO COLLEGE… colorist is surface… BUT MY BRAIN KNOW WTF YOU DOING BEFORE YOU EVEN DO IT.. Michell Obama Kamala … YA GOT DOCS ABOUT ME IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR PROJECT BLUE BEAM OR WHATEVER BEN FRANK … AND YA STILL .. or was ACTING STINGY CAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT THE DARKEST TRUTHS ABOUT YOU AND THE HOUSE COMING OUT .. aja yara and ANY CELEB TRYNA PRESS THE ISSUE W ME .. like I said ur not getting fumbledor… UR GETTING WHAT CHALLENGES YOU TO BE A BETTER PERSON CITIZEN PARENT SOCIETY .. COMMUNITY NATION, - NATO )

Anyways for those making this shift easier appreciate you.. for those still “well I wana press two see” … LMAO IM STILL HUMAN.. GID GOT A TEMPER IN THIS HOLY BIBLE..

Someone need to slide social posting of my holy 3 how dat work in the Bible cause it’s NOT EXPLAINED ..

I’m trying to show you thru me ..

WE FIT IN EVERY CATEGORY YA NEED HELP W CAUSE ITS A RECKED STATE THERE .. then I got an EXTENSION OF ME .. that’s Lee family tree n business murder LLCs KILLED .. so I GOT MORE WHO CAME IN IN DISGUISE…

Like parenting ya parents work with you EVEN IF YOU DONT LIKE IT .. not saying everyone perfect but THEY BE TRYING and in hindsight when you get ur own child THEN YOU understand ur parents “mistakes” and why you as a kid was like “this unfair or why would they do that “ and parents be on some “damn I shud have done x y n z instead what would have happened then”… amber rose … you live in a “what if I did that instead” mentally with wiz choices .. and it reflects into ya life …

But parents do what they can til they get fed up n kick you out the house or take ya ps3 away …

This is like that … Lee and Paula Barton and Lauren London blacc Sam ( for a minute ) made it hard for me and Tristan to get to where we had to get to …

Lee n Paula king EVIL VILE LLCs ( well it would be IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM but fun for our narcissistic satanic characteristics to separate them for them into rehabs w no phone and kill more of their family so they’re distracted by pain.. and make them look like crack heads .. what did we do to cashay’s mom when the WHITE HOUSE MILITARY was calling for her back in the 90-2000’s … let do it two both then take cashay’s look alikes HER KIDS N COUSINs and have them DO METHod acting to deformation her name and character but harass her birth family and the White House where they won’t want her.. Paula you get Malik as he sees to do shit as Daniel and Tristan to piss pops off and dis own em.. now neither of them will be able to come into their Cinderella story OR the TMC inheritance left for their families …. And Lee did it two Howard nugent joint bank account … VIVICCA whitcheet helped two… badu but PAULA Barton Patterson Regina king … back when MY MOM DARNIECE WAS 16 HAVING BABIES THE INDUSTRY WAS RAPING HER FOR .. Aaliyah.. left eye career sneak diss .. coi lerary two me indialove Wilkerson to Barton… ya got history on repeat THE USA A STATE OF INSANITY… and Yal asking to get off the boat but not moving .. at this point FAST ENOUGH.. ITS A STATE OF EMERGENCY… ur moving at the rate for THE WORSE THING possible to take place … titanic.. ya jump WHEN THE BOAT go down and missed the opportunity of a life jacket and life boat… cause you scared )

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cwcthzl · 5 months ago

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i think my new thing is saying “stozier and *song*, am i right?”

—panic

and every single ask of you doing that is just bangers. keep em coming cowboy!!!!!

#asks #@ panic anon

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captainjamesjoneshook · 1 year ago

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Day 15: NPC Playlist - The Boy's Noise

What Hook's son listens to

The Evil that Men Do by Iron Maiden

The first half of this album is rock songs because that's a majority of he listens to. Old rock, metal, screamo, etc etc. Stuff that is loud and has good musical riffs. Things with lyrics that make him wear his headphones, staring at the wall, zoned out, as he absorbed them into his skin. This ALBUM in particular is like one of his go to's. It is an Essential Listen To if you're going to say you like rock music to him. He is that guy.

2-4. Another Brick in The Wall by Pink Floyd

A classic for a reason. He doesn't think this song is over hyped, it is what it is because it is what it is!!! Which, to him, is a work of art. The music is perfect, the build up from the beginning and the ability to keep everything restrained until it gets the suspense going of when the big climax comes in, and then it just keeps on grooving. Then of course we have the lyrics and the overall thesis of the songs, which is like, just another product of the system, some kid, the accumulation of how life shaped one's childhood to make up the person. He relates to that, as everyone else can since it is the human condition. But he's also been told by his dad that he shouldn't just follow the crowd or really trust authority figures (a product of Hook's own upbringing and getting to break out from underneath all the adults in his life telling him what he was going to become to go do his own thing with smee <3) so you look at part 2, the boy can relate to that because I also imagine he was that kid in class who didn't necessarily START trouble on purpose, but asked questions that got teachers flustered or was always trying to deepen the conversation and that just annoyed people, esp when he would also goof around because he would get BORED, so they wrote him off as a trouble maker or an annoyance. another brick.

5. We Rock by Dio

this song really has no deep cut. it's a banger. it fucks severely. it's a fun time, it's got great music to head bang to. mr. dio had a GREAT voice in the boy's opinion, which always brings him back to this band. this song never has a lull, it is go go go go from the absolute jump and he likes that kind of music because it drowns out a lot and lets him just sink into the music.

6. Highway Star by Deep Purple

again, loves it for the music of it all. it's got some BANGING synth and guitar. he listens to it on repeat for those alone!! another song that just is pumbling everything down around it from start to finish. it feels like it could be the source of the energizer bunny's ability to bang that bass drum. when the guitar solo hits he'll vibrate out of his skin <3

7. Balls to the Wall by Accept

another head banger. what can i say, he's all in on songs that can knock a sock or two off. and this song's title does not disappoint. the vocals alone are /mwah, esp when they're just copying the guitar's progression there like a choir, but with the addition of the good music to back em up make it a top tier song. plus the lyrics, going back him questioning authority and just going through life by his own step, the song is how authority will fall and the people will be the reason because they've had enough of the bs.

8. Seek & Destroy by Metallica

to the boy, there is no other way to listen to this song than at full volume. it demands it, from the very beginning with the guitar going as hard as it does!!!! he doesn't always listen to metallica, but when he does, the whole town does too <3

9. Escape (I Need a Break) by Whodini

now we have the second half, bringing us to the rap portion. because rap is the second most listen to genre by the boy. it's another genre that is easy to escape into for him, with the good beats that he can turn up and being able to focus on the flow of the lyrics. he does like contemporary stuff, but his favorites are stuff from the older generation, like the rock and metal already listed here. whodini are an ESSENTIAL for him. this song is one of the best for both the beat and the lyrics themselves. i imagine the boy is v excited to get out of town and onto this grand adventure his dad and smee always described in their stories, while also being scared to leave the only thing he has ever known. this song is telling the story of like, life sucks, i need a fucking break, all the little things add up. then there's a reply of all the things that can be done to fix those little things, the main being, "so do what you gotta in order to escape // take it from me it's never too late."

10. I Ain't No Joke by Eric B. & Rakim

another essential. the lyrics are just ... /clenches fist. even to this day they go harder than a lot of the stuff out there but that's probably because rakim and eric were like the foundations from which the genre could build itself from. this isn't necessarily a dis track on anyone in particular, but it is about how he can take anything and make it sound better than the people who pretend they know what they're doing. like "ven if it’s jazz or the quiet storm // i hook a beat up and turn it into hip hop form." described hip hop!!! in a line !! and did it with perfect flow !! the boy loves and respects 'em

11. Posse In Effect by Beastie Boys

licensed to ill is probably one of his top albums of all time, this is just an example of that for this playlist. the music in this goes a lil slow but it keeps him nodding to the beat and the lyrics are just so good and crunchy, he'll keep a few in his mind to chew on all day since they just get stuck in there on repeat. like the way they say mustard. he'd probably live with that in his head rent free for days. truly proved they were MC's within the game, and the boy loooooves how that shows up in this album.

12. Smooth Operator by Big Daddy Kane

another song that's kinda about the rapper saying, "i'm the real deal." but who is ACTUALLY the real deal. this song is just a fun time and while the boy does like songs that are hard hitting, overall he is someone who likes stuff that he can listen to and just disappear into. all of these songs do that for him, and this one is more like a buttery version of that rather than the more chaotic version of that. this one doesn't drown everything out so much as it invites him in. if that makes sense lmfao. but yeah, as opposed to the others here, this artist has a sort of polished tone to his voice and his production. it's classy. it doesn't stray from his roots ofc but it's refined. very unique in comparison to a lot of rappers out there, even now. it's why the boy really loves his music.

13. Evil that Men Do by Queen Latifah

book ending this lil playlist of essential listening with a song of near the same title but from the other genre of his musical tastes. but also because it's a good song!!! queen latifah has some GREAT albums. this song has a great beat and flow, as well as the message of it all about gender equality. another song/artist that he just really enjoys putting on and listening to until he forgets about his day.

#swynwrimo

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navysealt4t · 1 year ago

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HI BLUE !!!

im just in your inbox all the time now

mostly with music suggestions

im brainrotting okay. listen. music. you have yet to discourage my nonsensical rambling.

(or just literally any of nombra's music. absolutely BANGER.)

also can i bother you with a little bit of writing pfnjfdkml i shall ask first to be polite.

omgggg i love ur music suggestions keep ‘em coming !!!!!

rise from the ashes gives me riptide combat vibes and combat carousel makes me think of apotheosis (both very good campaigns with very diff vibes lol)

AND YEA PLS send ur writing over !!!

#asks #beloveds <3 #haunted ghouls #i need to send u more asks >:))

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toribookworm22 · 2 years ago

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Halsey:

Artist Deep Dive #1

Hey, guys! I finally finished my very first Music Library entry featuring Halsey!

Here are my final results:

Favorite Song:

killing boys

(Runner Up: 929)

Final Album Ranking:

1. If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power

2. hopeless fountain kingdom

3. Manic

4. BADLANDS

For more of my in-depth information on this week-long process, I've posted each album review below the cut (mostly because otherwise this would be a post of insane length).

I'll be starting a new one soon, most likely, because this really was a lot of fun.

~ toribookworm ❤️

First Song I Remember Hearing: Control or Colors

First Song I Loved: New Americana

Have I Deep Dived Before: No

Playlists Featured On: She May Be Little But She Is Fierce, Apple Red As Blood (Maybe That's Why He Likes The Taste), Let The Anger Gnaw At Your Bones Just A Little

----------‐---‐------------------------------

Time Stamp:

First Listen: 12-11-22

Subsequent Listens: 12-12-22, 12-13-22, 12-15-22, 12-18-22

Final Decision: 12-18-22

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BADLANDS

Songs Added: 12/16

1. Drive

2. I Walk The Line (such a wonderful cover)

3. Gasoline

Lyric Contenders: Strange Love

Sonic Contenders: Hold Me Down

Lyrics:

"But we don't feel like outsiders at all." - New Americana

"Bouncing off the exit signs I missed." - Drive

"You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece." - Colors

"With his educated eyes and his head between my thighs." - Coming Down

Lullabies: Coming Down

Bangers: Castle, New Americana, Colors, Control,

LGBTQ Honorable Mention: N/A

Added: Castle, Hold Me Down, New Americana, Drive, Colors, Colors pt. II, Strange Love, Coming Down, Haunting, Gasoline, Control, I Walk The Line

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hopeless fountain kingdom

Songs Added: 15/16

1. Sorry

2. Angel On Fire

3. Heaven In Hiding

Lyric Contenders: Devil In Me

Sonic Contenders: Don't Play

Lyrics:

"Every single one's forgotten in laundromat machines." - 100 Letters

"With the same damn hunger to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all." - Strangers

"I'm faded away, you know, I used to be on fire." - Angel On Fire

"I won't take anyone down if I cry tonight." - Devil In Me

Lullabies: The Prologue, Sorry, Good Mourning, Hopeless

Bangers: Eyes Closed, Heaven In Hiding, Walls Could Talk, Bad At Love, Angel On Fire, Devil In Me

LGBTQ Honorable Mention: Bad At Love, Strangers

Added: The Prologue, 100 Letters, Eyes Closed, Heaven In Hiding, Alone, Sorry, Good Mourning, Lie, Walls Could Talk, Bad At Love, Don't Play, Strangers, Angel On Fire, Devil In Me, Hopeless

Character Songs: Lie, Walls Could Talk, Angel On Fire

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Manic

Songs Added: 16/19

1. 929

2. you should be sad

3. killing boys

Lyric Contenders: clementine

Sonic Contenders: Dominic's Interlude

Lyrics:

"Because in my world, I'm constantly having a breakthrough, or a breakdown, or a blackout." - clementine

"I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you." - you should be sad

"Soft and slow, watch the minutes go, count out loud, so we know you don't keep 'em for yourself." - 929

Lullabies: clementine, Forever... (is a long time), Dominic's Interlude, finally // beautiful stranger, More, 929

Bangers: I HATE EVERYBODY, 3am, Without Me, Alanis' Interlude, wipe your tears, I'm Not Mad,

LGBTQ Honorable Mention: Alanis' Interlude

Added: Ashley, clementine, you should be sad, Forever... (is a long time), Dominic's Interlude, I HATE EVERYBODY, 3am, Without Me, Finally // beautiful stranger, Alanis' Interlude, killing boys, More, 929, wipe your tears, I'm Not Mad, Be Kind

Character Songs: Finally // beautiful stranger, killing boys, 929, I'm Not Mad

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If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power

Songs Added: 16/16

1. Lilith

2. you asked for this

3. Nightmare (Reprise)

Lyric Contenders: 1121

Sonic Contenders: people disappear here

Lyrics:

"I cannot take it, I love it, I break it." - Girl is a Gun

"You could have my heart and I would break it for you." - 1121

"she's mean and she's mine." - honey

"A moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing." - Nightmare

Lullabies: Darling, 1121, Ya'aburnee

Bangers: Easier than Lying, Girl Is A Gun, you asked for this, honey, The Lighthouse, Nightmare, Nightmare (Reprise)

LGBTQ Honorable Mention: honey

Added: The Tradition, Bells in Santa Fe, Easier than Lying, Lilith, Girl Is A Gun, you asked for this, Darling, 1121, honey, Whispers, I am not a woman I'm a god, The Lighthouse, Ya'aburnee, Nightmare, Nightmare (Reprise), people disappear here

Character Songs Acquired: The Tradition, Lilith, you asked for this, 1121, Ya'aburnee, people disappear here

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Collabs:

1. Eastside - benny blanco, Halsey, & Khalid

2. Eastside (Acoustic)

3. Life's A Mess - Juice WRLD & Halsey

Remixes/Acoustics:

1. So Good (Stripped)

2. So Good (Orchestral Version)

1. 1121 (John Cunningham Demo)

2. honey (John Cunningham Demo)

3. Lilith (John Cunningham Demo)

1. Without Me (ILLENIUM Remix)

2. Graveyard (Acoustic)

3. You should be sad (Acoustic)

4. Alanis' Interlude (Stripped)

5. Without Me (Stripped)

6. Graveyard (Stripped)

7. 3am (Stripped)

8. You should be sad (Tiesto Remix)

9. Be Kind (Stripped)

1. Colors (Stripped)

2. Colors (Audien Remix)

1. Castle (The Huntsman: Winter's War Version)

1. Alone [feat. Big Sean & Stefflon Don]

1. I am not a woman, I'm a god (Gazelle Twin Remix)

2. I am not a woman, I'm a god (On-U Sound Remix)

3. I am not a woman, I'm a god (Underworld's Drift Mix)

----------‐---‐------------------------------

Final Album Ranking:

1. If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power

2. hopeless fountain kingdom

3. Manic

4. BADLANDS

Favorite Song:

killing boys

Runner Up: 929

New Character Songs Acquired:

• I Walk The Line

• Lie

• Walls Could Talk

• Angel On Fire

• Finally // beautiful stranger

• killing boys

• 929

• I'm Not Mad

• The Tradition

• Lilith

• you asked for this

• 1121

• Ya'aburnee

• people disappear here

• So Good (Orchestral Version)

• Graveyard (Acoustic)

• Graveyard (Stripped)

• Colors (Stripped)

• So Good (Stripped)

#chronic playlister #music library #music deep dive #artist deep dive #Halsey deep dive #Halsey #killing boys #if i cant have love i want power #bouncing off the exit signs i missed #every single one's forgotten in laundromat machines #im faded away you know i used to be on fire #i wont take anyone down if i cry tonight #im so glad i never ever had a baby with you #you could have my heart and i would break it for you #a moment to say i dont owe you a goddamn thing #bookworming

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